I understand what it means to be independent as a person but still emotionally dependent on someone. We can't help it as humans. And there's absolutely no shame in that.
And to fears, I will say that you've mirrored the things I face. I don't get too happy over things. It's just cause I'm used to fawning and being anticipatory over something and then having it ripped off. So, I guess I'm kind of numb to it all now.
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I do speak to my family also about this and they do understand because at some point they too have some similar feelings. Over a period of time, we have learned to give this space to each other and that's what makes our relationship strong and heathy