The fear of death has been installed in my head in recent years and the thought that I could die at any moment generated a terrible panic. It got to a point that my fear was interfering with my life and I found it difficult to do everyday things like going out.
Without realizing it, I was ceasing to live, even though I was alive. For a long time I thought I could die at any moment and I was looking for a way out of that loop, if there was a way to live longer I looked for it, but the same situation exhausted me and I said "no more".
This fear persists, but the one who has changed is me. I can't focus on what I can't control and if in the end we are all going to die, but while that happens it is my responsibility to move forward with my life.
My biggest motivators are my loved ones and if there is one good thing about this situation it is that I have learned to value the time I spend with them more. Constantly thinking that you could die at any moment makes everything more valuable.
I learned to be grateful for the little things like waking up or sleeping next to the ones you love. I was thankful for every good person who crossed my path and also for those who came to teach me something, because they helped me grow.
While death comes (because it will come) I do my best to live well one day at a time. I live in the present and if someday I have a duel with death, I hold on to the thought that I can handle it and that I am not alone.
Español
El miedo a la muerte ha estado instalado en mi cabeza en los años recientes y pensar que podía morir en cualquier momento me generaba un pánico terrible. Llego un punto que mi temor estaba interfiriendo con mi vida y me costaba hacer las cosas más cotidianas como salir.
Sin darme cuenta estaba dejando de vivir, aún estando viva. Por mucho tiempo pensé que podía morir en cualquier momento y buscaba la forma de salir de ese bucle, si había una forma de vivir por más tiempo la buscaba, pero la misma situación me agoto y dije “ya no más”.
Este miedo persiste, pero la que ha cambiado soy yo. No puedo enfocarme en lo que no puede controlar y si en definitiva todos vamos a morir, pero mientras eso pasa es mi responsabilidad salir adelante con mi vida.
Mis mayores motivadores son mis seres queridos y es que si hay algo bueno de esta situación es que aprendí a valorar más el tiempo que paso con ellos. Pensar constantemente en que puedes morir en cualquier momento hace que todo tenga un mayor valor.
Aprendí a agradecer las cosas pequeñas como los despertares o dormir a lado de los que quieres. Agradecí cada buena persona que se cruzo en mi camino y también a los que vinieron a enseñarme algo, porque me ayudaron a crecer.
Mientras que la muerte llega (porque va llegar) hago todo lo posible por vivir bien un día a la vez. Vivo en el presente y si algún día tengo un duelo con la muerte, me aferro al pensamiento de que puedo con esto y que no estoy sola.
@kinadilla
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I have learnt to live each passing day as if it was my last,by being the best version of myself.
Beautiful phrase and very accurate
That is the right attitude. Live the moment and focus on the present. Death is inevitable, but till then, make the most of life.
That's right, thank you very much for reading
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