Hello my beautiful people, there is a book that completely changed my life, the way to take care of myself, to see myself and to relate to others, not only as a couple but in general, today I want to share with you some of the teachings that I learned From Robin Norwood's book “Women Who Love Too Much”, this book is obviously focused on women, but if you are a man and you are reading this, don't go because I am sure you have a lot of things to learn too and if you feel identified with some of what I say please leave me in the comments and with a vote to know that we are not alone in this.
First, when most internal conversations or with your friends are about him, his life, his thoughts, his projects.
Second, when we excuse a bad temper, his bad behavior, his behaviors that we do not like and hurt us and we become his therapist, we are loving too much.
When I don't like his values and basic characteristics, but I feel that if I became good enough, he could change just because he loves me.
When the relationship hurts our emotional and even physical well-being and we still stay there, we are loving too much.
When most of your energy goes to changing the behavior or feelings of others through desperate manipulation.
You constantly feel guilty about what the other person is feeling, so that you can find out what it is that you are doing wrong and in that way control the situation.
Basically out of fear out of fear, of not being worthy, of not inspiring affection, of being alone, of being abandoned and ignored, rejected, destroyed, we give that obsessive love waiting for the other person to take care of our own fears, all our lives It revolves around giving love in order to receive it and that is the force that becomes the impulse for life and as this strategy obviously does not work, we become obsessed more and more and more.
This is literally quoted from the book "generally comes from a dysfunctional home that did not meet your emotional needs"; Since you received little affection in your childhood, try to satisfy that need by giving especially affected men or women who seem particularly needy, since you can never make your parents be those attentive and loving people, right now you are looking for people who are not either, see if you can change them in order to also control the situation.
As you are terrified of being abandoned, you do everything to prevent a relationship from ending, almost no situation is too troublesome, takes too long or is too expensive, if it helps that person to whom you are giving your love.
How are you accustomed or accustomed to the lack of love in personal relationships? Are you willing to wait and give more than what is given to you? Are you willing to expect more than 50% of the blame, the responsibility, the reproaches, of the entire relationship your self esteem is considerably low and you feel that deep down you do not deserve to be happy and that you have to earn the right to be calm and enjoy life.
You need to deeply control all situations and people around you, making it seem like you are going through the role of being useful.
You are so much more in touch with the dream of how things could be rather than how they really are.
You are addicted to men or relationships that have emotional pain.
It is likely that you are emotionally or even biochemically predisposed to addictions such as drugs, alcohol, even food and especially sweets.
How you are attracted to people or situations that are problematic and chaotic this helps you take away the responsibility you have on yourself.
It is likely that you have a tendency to depressive episodes, you are not attracted to people who are kind, stable, secure because these people who appear as boring.
Seek help first, this post can be the first step to seek help, you can also do it through books, a therapist, but this step connects you with the humility of understanding that you cannot do everything alone.
Second make your recovery your priority, we are going to focus all the energy that at some point we were focusing towards others towards that person that we were trying to control and we are going to focus it towards ourselves, we are going to invest all our time, effort, even money towards our healing, towards focusing on ourselves and making ourselves our priority.
Third, look for people who help and understand you, coming from dysfunctional families generally causes a very deep feeling of isolation and finding people who understand and support you will generate a feeling of well-being and community.
Fourth, develop a spiritual practice, this does not necessarily have to do with a religion but it is important that every day we begin to connect with something that elevates us far beyond ourselves, that takes us out of our mind and what we are capable of. or not to do, this is super important because it will give us the tools to stop controlling everything and understand that soon everything is happening in a perfect way and that we only have control over ourselves.
Fifth, stop managing and controlling others, this means not helping and advising, or wanting to save your partner, or the one you pay your attention to, because what this does is that it removes responsibility from themselves for their Our own life, what we are going to do is refocus all these efforts towards us, to take charge and responsible for their well-being, each one is responsible for oneself and that identity is that I am being useful, it is an error of the ego If you really want to be useful, become someone useful, take charge of yourself, of yourself.
Sixth learn not to hook, not hooking means that when you want to react in the way you usually do, in the face of a conflict or a situation in which another person is reproaching you for something, do not react in a way that end the game, make it ok from your power but do not continue with that perpetuation of the conflict, at the beginning it will be a little difficult but later when you take the shot it will be easier.
Seventh, face with courage your own problems and defects, the people we love too much are too used to the fact that the blame for everything that happens to us, the blame for everything we do wrong or even good, is on others, what we do What to do right now is to examine ourselves with deep honesty and realize that our defects, the things that we do not like, are only ours and that our successes are also only ours.
Eighth, cultivate what you need is to develop by yourself, every day we are going to take care of doing at least two things that we do not like, that are difficult or fearful, to expand the vision you have of yourself and what you you are able to achieve.
Ninth, become selfish, worthy not to others to say yes to yourself, put your plans, your well-being, your projects, your thoughts, your feelings, always in the first place and not in the last place, in order to do this we will have to be tolerant of the anger, disapproval and sadness of others, because we have no control over those emotions.
We say, with the others what you have learned, this step we are going to do only and exclusively when I have already been in recovery for a while, when we already know how to take care of ourselves and be able to share things without having to want to save others , simply from altruism like what I'm doing in this post.
Let me know in the comments if you identify with all these things that I mentioned, if you are a woman or a person who loves too much, this is literally a summary of the most important things in this book because I feel like they completely changed the way I I see myself in relationships and I feel that suddenly I can also give you tools.
