Today we had the painters at the house. We had them paint the ceiling in the kitchen, hallway, and living room. They also painted the living room walls, trim, and front door. It was an all day engagement for them as it was for me and the wife.
If there is one thing ole' Joe has never been good at, it is sitting around watching others work. This is especially so when it is on my stuff. Multiple this even more when it is something I know I used to once do with little to no physical effort.
So to calm my anxious nerves, the wife fixed me a glass of Jameson Irish Cold Brew and I holed up in the bedroom for most of the day. Yep, it makes me that anxious sometimes.
Anyway, they finished the job and it was well done. Nothing was done incorrectly or not to standard. I wasn't needed to even stand over them to ensure they did all the little things. You know, like tape off the door handles, or ensure all surfaces covered with drop cloth, e.g.
It was a miracle!
Yes, first the fact there was someone that could get the job done correctly. Second, I got through it without losing my noodle. Did the Jameson help? Nah, it was just small drink. What helped was I spent most of my time in the bedroom analyzing why I had such a hard time with a situation like this one.
Like I said, anytime there has been someone working on my house, car, or other property of mine, it really bothers me, especially if it is something I used to be able to physically accomplish but just unable to now.
I always struggle with this, and especially since I have gotten worse and medically retired. Today though, things were a little different. I spent some alone time in our bedroom, while the wife watched TV in the guest bedroom. While alone I reflected on this challenge.
My thoughts are that I worked before I was even an adult off and on. When I turned 18 years old, I was off to the Marines and never looked back. I have worked my tail off ever since. 40 hour work weeks were a vacation to me. And while mainting that kind of lifestyle with work, I maintained my agreed upon husbandly duties at home when not away for operational or training deployment or some other school.
Now that the pressure of work and absences are gone, the added pressure of preforming the husbandly duties, or what I call the honey-do list, is even greater. But, my physical limitations prevent me from completing a good deal of these tasks now. So the stressors shift their weight over to this new stressor and compounds in my opinion.
The thing is, maybe I just need to take this stressor off myself. I thought about it and my wife doesn't really get on me for not being able to do these tasks anymore. The only thing she gets on me for are the things I might be able to help her with that I haven't traditionally that I can do physically.
So if the wife is not on my back side, why should I be stressing myself. I don't have a boss, there is no one else that typically has expectations with regard to these tasks. Letting go and being comfortable with others doing the work is where I would like to be. I am just not there...yet.
So today I started that direction. I started by giving up on the riding mower and calling a repair shop. For those that follow my posts, you will get the humor and irony in that.
But yes, I plan to continue to follow this plan. If it is not work I can physically do, then I must be good with allowing others doing it. But then it becomes a financial matter, because the person doing the work has to be paid.
That makes this even harder to swallow. I am not sure how or what I am supposed to conclude at this point. They say you should come away with answers after a reflection, but not me. I just have another set of questions and concerns, just not the same ones I started with.
Thanks for reading,
Joe
Note: Image sources are mine taken by wife using iPhone11
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Us blokes tend to gain our feeling of self-worth and esteem from a feeling of competence which is why we don't like the gals telling us to go ask for directions at the gas station when we're lost - it calls into question our feeling of competency. This thing is, we also have to work within our limitations, know when to call in the experts, or just say, I don't feel able to do that, you know?
I'm with you mate, I've worked hard all my life, lifted heavy shit, is how I describe it, and it's a difficult thing coming to terms with the changes life brings and the limitations that come with them, by we have to try right? It's just another challenge to face, another evolution to work through.
I don't have the answers I guess but maybe there isn't one. Maybe it's just a matter of doing what it is we're able to do and being a little kind on ourselves, understanding, like your wife is being with you.
I hear you about the competence. You may be right, it could be just giving myself a little grace and being more patient with myself. Yes, the wife is very patient, more so than she should be at times. The other thing is pacing myself. Doing everything in one go is no longer necessary, nor is it required. Like you said, not sure there is a single answer. Appreciate you drilling down on this with me though.
No worries mate, I know you'd do the same for me so I'm happy to put a few words down that may help.
A little grace man, that's it exactly. Even the fastest race car has to come into the pits for service now and then and if it doesn't it'll just break down and then it's not going anyway. You've worked hard all your life, I know that because you were a Marine, raised a family, managed a relationship and other things besides, cut yourself some slack.
I know exactly what you mean. There are so many in your situation. Letting go and accepting limitations is not an easy thing. It's a process that takes time, but I think you're on the right track as you're processing it and trying to find a solution. Good luck and don't beat yourself up with it. You can do so many other things instead.
Appreciate the kind words @erikah. I have told Galen before that I am harder on myself than anyone ever could be. I need to stop doing that, there is no need for it anymore.
Its a very simple and unique color, i love your taste of art, did you actually choose the particular color? Or the wife did, or the painters suggested this to you, cause it goes well with the wall
Hehe, that is not art, it is the top of the television. Regarding the color chosen, it was the wife.
Ohhh the background of the tv then before and after, was the same, thats why I thought its art, the wife must have a pretty good Taste of fashion
It could be we are talking about different things then. Not sure.
Not sure about what??
I’m not sure if we are talking about different things when you are referring to art in the photos.
Hmmm ok but the painting is unique
Glad to hear that the paint job went well. Those can go one of two ways haha.. glad you're happy mate. Also, rest well my friend. Sounds like you clearly deserve a break from all your hard work this life.
Thank you for the well wishes. Much appreciated.
When I was a kid I would laugh when some one would come over to fix something and my dad wouldn't be able to sit still. He'd go and talk to them and try to help them. He tried to do everything around the house himself, but sometimes the experts had to come (like with plumbing) but that was always hard for him to deal with. As a kid I found it funny.
Now flash forward 30 years and I'm the same way. Go figure. Must be something about being a guy.
That is funny about your dad. Sounds kind of like my father-in-law. He refuses to hire someone.
I had the stroke while painting the kitchen. A bit different conditions than you of course, but it was hard to watch people do what a couple weeks earlier I was doing myself, for free.
But, coming to terms with this is likely part of maturing anyway. We degrade naturally, so we have to accept that we cat do what we did, bit we can do what we can. Stopping what we can do is the issue, and often for me that happens when I dwell on what I can't do anymore. If that makes sense.
I believe it does make sense. Thank you. There was a post your brother did today on negative and positive. It resounded with me and I reflected on the premise a great deal today. I need to start focusing more on the positives of the situation rather than my negative challenges. What are the things I can still do?
Anyway, appreciate the thoughtful response.