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RE: And if I go, what will be here left of me?

in Reflections5 days ago (edited)

I'm very sorry to hear you and your family are dealing with this. No matter when it happens it feels like it's too soon.

I moved cross-country when I was 24 with all intentions of returning to my family and the place I grew up "in a few years" and here we are 30 years later. Life happened and the years just kept rolling by. I can't imagine how much more difficult it would've been if I would have moved to a completely different country. Some of us are just born with an innate desire to explore and be elsewhere. That's been me my whole life. If it were up to me I'd probably be living somewhere in Europe right now. Although making the decision to move to Minnesota in 1995 has brought some huge blessings into my life, I've began to realize in the last couple of years the high price I've paid for it. It's odd because in some ways I feel like I have two homes but other times I feel like I have none. Once you leave, even if you decide to return, you're not returning to the same place you left.

I wish your aunt a peaceful transition and I send my condolences to you and your family.

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Thank you, Eric, that's very kind.

I did think of you when I wrote this, I know you've broached the subject of moving away from home once or twice here on the 'chain, and was curious to hear your thoughts. In some ways, moving to a different country in EU doesn't seem so daunting. Here also there's a mentality that it's easier to move in-country. At the same time, it would take 10-12 hrs to reach the northernmost towns in Romania by train, whereas the farthest points (in Spain) are only 4 hrs by air. Still, the mentality persists.

I dare ask, but don't feel you have to reply, do you reckon it was worth paying that price?

You're welcome. I just read this quote today, "We do not grieve for the ones we love returning to the wind & Earth but for never enough time in this place together". That pretty much sums it up.

Yes, I'm sure living in the EU makes relocating far easier. I discovered even moving within the same country comes with its set of challenges. I'm a little less than two hours away from Ohio by air, 14 hours by car.

Oh, that's a very tough question! The only honest answer to Was it worth paying the price? is— it depends upon the particular day. Moving from the place you were born, at least for me, has meant a lifetime of occasionally wondering "What if I stayed?" and sometimes longing for the closeness of family. I vastly underestimated the roadblocks there would be to returning—financial, spouses not wishing to move, etc. We've done well at keeping the lines of communication open but I've missed out on so many things—little luxuries like being able to pop in and have dinner with my mom or going to a nephew's basketball game. I think my writing career and the financial side of things would not have been nearly as successful if I had stayed. Not that I wouldn't have had access to the same opportunities but because the move pushed me out of my comfort zone so much it sparked immense growth and higher risk tolerance. Yet, as I get older, I find myself thinking about those all those little moments I've missed more and more. During my last visit back in June there were a few times where I felt like an outsider amongst my own family.

I'm sorry you felt that way, and thank you for your candor, Eric. It does seem to me also that there's a wealth of little "unimportant" moments you miss, in-jokes, references, shared moments that seem insignificant. I see what you mean about being pushed out of your comfort zone, and in some ways, I see moving (and writing) having a similar relationship for me.

You know, it's strange, if you had stayed, you wouldn't think nearly as much "what if I'd gone", or I don't think most people would, because there's a certain obviousness to staying, you know? Like this is where I expected to be anyhow, so sure, I didn't pursue my youthful dream and move wherever, but it's not such a shock as actually leaving. Very weird that.

Thank you for sharing with me, I really appreciate that :)

Everything decision we make in life has a price and it's great to weigh things out beforehand. It's great that you're putting so much thought into it. I was so young and naive when I took the leap I wasn't thinking much beyond the moment.

That's so true. I wouldn't have known any different if I hadn't left. The misconception I had back then was I had to leave to achieve what I wanted to but I know now that isn't the case. I had nearly moved to New York City in 1994, the year before I moved to Minnesota. I inherited the "tumbleweed gene" from my father's side of the family. : ) They came to America from England in the late-1600's. You're welcome!