This is so emotional, yet so cold, clinical and pragmatic in its style.
Surrounding death, when I am gone, it won't matter. I get sad when I think about those who will be left behind, more so than me not being able to experience alongside them.
I imagine you will help write a hell of an eulogy about this person, or indeed anyone else. But, (and I do this often) bring it back to a grown man, some 60+ years old, on TV (at a formula 2 race track) talking about a beloved (now deceased) driver - "Eulogies are such hateful things. We should tell people how we feel while they're still around to hear it."
A hint of moistness in his eye. A glance away from the camera.
I now live by those words. They weren't scripted. They were human. You are human. We're all going to die, and the sooner we become comfortable with that, the deeper we can love and cherish one another as a society, as a species, and as individuals.
Thank you for writing this thing.
Writing here always helps me process what's going on around me :) I don't know that there will be a eulogy. If there isn't anyone else to write it, I would do it, though it should be by someone who actually knew her.
I agree. That's a very noble emotion, and I keep it at the core of my actions, also. Say it now and often.