I Don't Want To Anymore!

There are situations that drain all our energy, that feel like a finger picking at an open wound, and that repeat themselves day after day, month after month, and even year after year. Situations where you give it your all, where you've tried different ways to reach a goal, but in the end, it doesn't happen. And when you look back, you realize you only wasted time and energy, that nothing remains after so much effort, and it forces you to understand that you can't change the fate of anything or anyone... We can only try to change our own destiny by working on ourselves.

Sometimes I think I'm ready, that so many years of reflection have helped me realize who I am and the environment I'm in, but as a human being, I always discover something else that binds me to my nature, and it seems the hardest part is when it comes to the people closest to me, those we're attached to through blood ties or spiritual bonds. The truth is, we'll never achieve complete inner peace if we don't fully detach ourselves from those feelings, and in my particular case, that noble idea of being a hero to others, which ultimately becomes the biggest mistake for someone who longs to live in serenity.

At this point, I don't know if I've achieved the balance I've been searching for, or if I simply need to be more mature in accepting things that are beyond my control. I think I'm old enough to know that justice isn't valued by everyone, since each person has a different reality and uses that word according to their circumstances. Why strive to be a good person if everyone has a different idea about us or what it means to be a good person?... I've spent years supposedly striving for my own good and the good of others, but it turns out they've never cared, and I haven't really felt good about being their clown, the one who's always willing to help even when no one notices.

I'm making progress in my search for inner peace, but there are still places and people that keep me anchored to low feelings and vibrations. The day I decided to leave those people and places, I didn't set any conditions; it was the same for everyone. But along the way, you keep running into those people and environments that present you with the most difficult challenges. How wonderful it would be to be free of it all once and for all, to act with the freedom that defines me, and to tell myself that I don't want any more of it, even with the people and places I love most. The worst part is that I know this will help me on my path through life. Even if you're the bad guy in someone else's story, it doesn't matter. You know you're not doing anything wrong, and by walking away and ceasing to be a vigilante superhero, you're doing those people a huge favor.

I can't continue being surrounded by people who drain my energy and environments that don't do me any good. I'm tired of it, and I don't want that for my life. Your brain makes it seem like it's not easy to get out of all that, but the truth is, it is. It's just a matter of telling yourself, "I Don't Want To Anymore!", believing it, and leaving gracefully.