That's so hard to love your home country but not want to live there. I mean I can understand many people leave home because of work or a new life, but sounds like in your case it's the actual country itself that you don't want to return to. It must be so difficult and sad for you because you grew up and lived there for so long and your parents are still there.
I had a childhood friend from Hong Kong who lived in Kingston for many years, she ran a grocery store and worked hard over the years. In the few conversations we had about her life there, she didn't mention how bad things were but she did say it was a lot of work to manage the local staff. Maybe she just kept her down and worked and worked till she earned enough money to leave the country..
My friend from the Reunion islands said she just cannot imagine any of this happening and worst to live in a country where your life feels threatened every day. I guess your friend from Hong Kong became a different person while living in Jamaica. The Asian population is huge in Jamaica. They speak the Jamaican patois just like Jamaicans. However, it doesn't matter whether you are from the Philippines, China, Japan, Taiwan, Hong Kong, or Malaysia. You will be called "Miss Chin or Mr. Chin" and you become immune to it and learn to cope.
I never knew how to switch into relaxation mode until I left Jamaica.
Yes, it's very hard when I love the country so much, but I couldn't live a "normal" life like a prisoner.