For sixteen weeks now I have been on a new medication, as the one they changed me to from one that was working okay in my opinion, didn't work. This new one is working better and is about the same as the one I was first on, so I am not going to complain about it. The biggest benefit of the new one is that unlike that worked earlier that I had to take fortnightly, this one I only have to take every eight weeks. Today was my third treatment, my second one self-administered.
While I have been doing it by myself for several years already, a couple years back something changed in me and I would get intense anxiety about the injection. Even the lead-up into it before the shot I would stress and then before giving the shot, I would have to psych myself up, sweat on my brow, before after several false starts, finally plunging the tiny pen needle into my leg for a few seconds. It wasn't painful, but for whatever reason, it just broke me. Since then, I would have to get my wife to do it, holding a pillow and not looking.
I have blood tests regularly without an issue.
A couple months ago when I had the last treatment, my wife was away, so I had to do it myself and I found that the anxiety was almost completely gone. Tonight, my wife went to bed early and I had to give the injection to myself again, and there was no anxiety whatsoever. It was pretty strange how the anxiety came out of nowhere, and also how it disappeared into nowhere again.
But what it did give me some interesting insight into (My experience has given me a lot of "interesting" insight into broken brains), is how anxiety can heavily affect our lives. Of course, I was only experiencing it in a specific area, but I can imagine what it must be like for some people who have it more regularly or in very inconvenient situations, so that they can't do things like leave their home.
I guess for people who haven't experienced that kind of anxiety, it must seem quite strange and perhaps seem ridiculous that people can't overcome the feeling and just push on through, but I can imagine that it is very, very hard for many people. Having said that, I also think that these days, many might be experiencing low-level anxiety and amplifying it out to be more than it actually is. And like any barrier to entry, the more often the barrier is jumped, the lower it becomes. Repetition builds habit, and bad habits as well as our various feelings are built on habit too.
I don't know what changed in me for the anxiety around the injection to dissipate, but I suspect that having my wife do it for a while and then having to go into the hospital for several treatments before doing it at home, broke the practice cycle. And then when I picked it up again a couple months ago myself, the anxiety was barely there and I did it fine, which proved to my brain that I can do it again. So this time tonight, no issue.
I was disrupted.
This kind of disruption is healthy of course, and it is something that we should embrace, even though change is uncomfortable. Because without disruption, our defaults will just keep replaying all the same patterns we have always done, because that is the path of least resistance, even if it *isn't working in our favour. Our brains are lazy, so once they see a familiar pattern, like injection time, they will throw out a familiar reaction, which had turned into anxiety for me.
But disrupting ourselves is difficult, especially when there is fear involved, because we don't want to have to do what it takes - which is generally, facing our fears. Exposure therapy tends to work, but for many, it requires baby steps rather than straight in the deep end. However, I also think that if we were put in "deep end" situations, we would largely overcome ourselves in order to survive. No matter how high the anxiety I felt might have been, if my (or someone else's) life depended on putting the needle in my leg, I would have done it. The anxiety would still be there likely, but I would have more personal power to force the action.
Especially since the stroke, I have had my eyes further widened to the possible experiences of different kinds of people that I didn't have a good understanding of earlier. However, for the most part, I still think that a lot of what people say they can't do, is actually only because they have the choice not to do it. If that choice was taken off the table, I reckon many people would be pretty amazed at what they are capable of.
Wouldn't it be nice to be able to fulfil our potential by choice, without having to be forced?
Unfortunately, that is not how we are programmed.
Taraz
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I hate injection itself so much. Nice to hear you faced your fears with the injections and found a way to overcome. I hope I will too :)
The needles used to be worse, but about a decade ago they changed the way they make them and they are super sharp now. Barely feel it :)
I got some meds I take as needed for anxiety, but i haven't needed it in a while now.
that shot u take looks like the anti virus shot from resident evil that i just watched. :P
For me it's has been Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD). I get anxious in high stimulus environments, that often gets in the way of my social life. Combine that with depression and you have a significant disaster on your hands.
The drugs prescribed at the hospital seem to help, though not so much. I plan to be rediagnosed anytime soon and hope I get prescriptions that would help me better.
The ones I take currently come with such uncomfortable side effects like overeating and hypersomnia. It's not been easy.
This was a very interesting reflection. What stood out to me most is how the anxiety appeared suddenly and then disappeared almost the same way. It really shows how powerful our minds are in shaping our reactions, even to something that isn’t physically painful.
I'm not fan of needles either. I usually have to look away and take some deep breaths whenever I get bloodwork done. I just can't really handle it well at all. It's always been an issue for me. I'm glad at least that part of it seems to be better for you.
Having difficulty giving yourself an injection is in a class of its own. There is an innate prohibition against doing yourself harm, and I think poking a needle into your flesh is perceived on a deep level as doing harm to your body. The first time was very difficult for me too, eventually it became easy. If I had to do it again, I think I would have to start all over.
I agree here. You have to go out on limbs to find this out about yourself though. Or been thrown on one.
Sounds like my driving anxiety. I'm pretty sure it cropped up when I was pregnant with Eldest, went up and down over time and then just randomly vanished about three or four years ago. Brains are stupid.
however I still hate driving, just the other reasons I hated it that were overshadowed by the anxiety have decided it's now their time to shine XD
I think you get used eventually, I am the same now with blood tests, after I needed to do it regularly for my thyroid hormones to get the treatment right.
I think you get used eventually, I am the same now with blood tests, after I needed to do it regularly for my thyroid hormones to get the treatment right.
I have to give myself daily injections. It never really bothered me. But I can understand your anxiety because I hate giving blood. Will get all tense and sweaty when they have to take samples. Maybe becasuse they usually have to stick me a couple three times before they get blood. So I just anticpiate the discomfort and get anxious.
You also know I have issues leaving the house, or close proximity of my house. Not sure why that cuases me such anxiety. I used to travel the world and loved it. Enjoyed being on the road for my job after the service. NOt sure what switched after I got sick, but it did.
One day we will just be able to choose our own programming!
Your marriage sounds awesome :)
#Bio-Hacking
When I was a child I loved going into the hills with one of my uncles. I loved exploring everything around and getting into caves where one of the areas I loved to explore the most.
As I have been growing older (just became 59), I try to stay away from closed areas, not that I suffer but I do not feel confortable being inside small closed spaces.
A few days ago I had to have a MRI from my hip, as I have been suffering pain for the last years. I was keeping my eyes closed while I was being setup but just for one moment decided to open them up before the test began. I saw myself inside the tube and felt so bad I tried to push myself out and I asked them to get me out as I was not able. I relaxed for a while having my eyes closed and told the to proceed and the test was done with no problems.
I had to keep my eyes closed and bring my mind away from the test to forget where I was and keep calm until the 20 minutes ended. I have noticed I was getting slightly anxious in closed areas in the past bot not to the point of feeling I needed to get out.
I hope I can cope with it in the future as I may have to have more MRI's taken in the future but I agree, it is not easy to deal with anxiety when you face it and although you can try to control it with your mind, it probably gets worse as we grow older, so it is something to try to work on yourself as time goes by.
Don't worry Elon is going to help with reprogramming people pretty soon... 😉