You are in my prayers Jerry and I think about you a lot more than a lot of people I know in this world.
It is understandable why this process is so debilitating for you, and to do this all by yourself is a compounding factor to the depression.
I worry about your drinking and would like to send you a package with something that may help weed out the propensity to drink.
Please don't hesitate to utilize discord for a more private place to talk with those of us who care about you, but also there is no pressure either. Please try not to go overboard with the drinking, I know it is not easy.