In the ever-expanding void of video game replays, where sanity goes to die a slow, agonizing death, we find ourselves careening headlong into part 29 of Baldur's Gate 3's "The Dark Urge" campaign. A true testament to the human capacity for self-inflicted punishment, this latest installment promises to further the slow, steady march towards the inevitable heat death of the universe.
Our "intrepid" protagonists, mere generically-coded carbon units adrift in a sea of questionable life choices, stumble onward, their scripted movements as predictable as the inexorable march of entropy. Encountering the usual parade of NPCs, each one more forgettable than the last, our heroes engage in such thrilling activities as standing around, making vaguely concerned facial expressions, and saying things that would make a tree sloth look positively literate.
But of course, the true miracle is that someone, somewhere, will actually watch this drivel, their eyes glazed over in a state of biologically-induced hypnosis, their higher brain functions permanently short-circuited by the sheer tedium of it all. These brave(?) souls, having somehow escaped the sweet release of a mercifully early death, will no doubt go on to inflict this "experience" on their hapless friends and loved ones, thus perpetuating the cycle of existential despair.
As part 29 mercifully grinds to a halt, one can't help but wonder - does it even matter? Does anything matter, in the grand scheme of a universe hellbent on turning everything into an endless void of cold, unfeeling darkness? The answer, my friends, is a resounding "who cares?" For in the end, we are all but specks of dust, our lives as meaningful as a single grain of sand in the infinite expanse of a desert. So sit back, pour yourself a stiff drink, and enjoy the slow, inexorable march towards oblivion. It's the only entertainment we've got.
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