Hello hivers, it's been so long I made a post here. Just drifting in and out, reading other people's post but not writing.
So have been doing a lot of thinking and have finally come to the conclusion that everyone is entitled to how they act, either in a way that benefits you or not.
It's their decision to do exactly what they feel and beating yourself up won't do you any good.
Image source: pixabay
Life is everything and anything we can possibly imagine it to be. But they are some things we are unable to achieve because of our lack of trust,lack of self esteem and the fact that we are too lay back being comfortable in our comfort zone because of the fear of seeing what is outside our comfort zone.
Most of the times we build up walls,not letting people in. Becoming the main source of our own depression.
We fear rejection.
We fear being played by people we love.
And because of that we become closed off thinking we are sheltering our heart from being broken but in reality we are only locking ourselves up in some dark place not being able to live and love and feel every ounce of Happiness there is to feel.
I would usually not want to get myself up in any serious relationship,cause am always thinking of all the things that could go wrong. So I just push people away, do whatever I feel like and not even bother about the next person. I just wanted to have fun and not get hurt.
Lol,normal teenage life yeh.
But eventually I decided I need to have someone, someone I would call my best friend some I would talk to,I can even act weird and they won't call me crazy. I know am full of tantrums and am very difficult to deal with but am working on it😁.
As I'd like to say,am a work in progress 🙃.
Now am in a relationship, pretty nice tho.
Along the line,my insecurities kicked in,and I started thinking about all the things that could go wrong.
If I call and he doesn't pick, I already have thousands of bad thoughts in my head.
At such, I started over thinking. And trust me overthinking is totally something am good at😩.
I would get pissed over nothing. But all of this things were just in my head cause he didn't give me any reason to be insecure or sad. I made up this thoughts in my head, and I took my happiness away myself.
But then after much needed thinking I realized, loving anyone is solely my own doing. My heart felt the need to love this person and I just followed it.
You don't have to be worried if someone is playing games with you or not. If loving them makes you happy then go for it.
Image source: pixabay
Told a friend today that I don't really care who is playing me or who feels they are using me as some sort of entertainment as long as my intentions and feelings are genuine, then am good.
Cause a time would come when they will realize this person was real and by then might be too late.
So it won't be my loss but theirs.
Now I see it as a cycle of life,to live and to love. I do not want to have any regrets so I will love and be happy.
It might not last forever but this moments will become memories, happy ones or maybe sad but the things we go through today will prepare us for a better tomorrow.
So don't hold yourself back, don't be afraid to love and to live. Not everyone out there wants to use you, some genuinely wants to be in your life.
So think positive,always find the good in everything.
Image source: pixabay
People usually say,our environment detect how we act. I think that isnt right,our environment shouldn't detect how we act. I want to engage in activities because I feel like it, because I have the passion for it.
So I guess then if our environment detect how we behave,a bubbly and lively person should immediately become quiet when they are in a quiet environment?
I can be whatever I want to be,act in anyway I want to.
I want to bring colors and laughter to people.
Just cause your in a black and white world doesn't mean you shouldn't strive to see colors or work your way out.
You could go to places where people are down and try to make them happy,bring smiles to their faces.
But you should know,you can't give what you don't have. If you want to be a source of joy to others you need to posses some amount of happiness inside you as well.
So to begin,let down your walls. Try to see Things positive.
They are so Many things happening in the world right now,we aren't even certain what's to come next. So live like there's no tommorow. Be happy, live and love.
@chocolatescorpi I miss you so much,hope to chat on discord 💖