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I'm starting to think I shouldn't write anything until further notice. This hectic week that has just ended seems to have been in a more literal sense than expected. It is as if the invisible hand of life had grabbed me like a can of soda and after shaking me strongly for days it has uncovered me without warning, suddenly causing a chaotic and uncontrollable spill of myself... on myself, pardon the expression .
Suddenly I want to do everything at once and I don't know where to start, continue or finish. I start one thing and two minutes later I lose concentration and want to do something else. Right now while I'm writing this I'm struggling not to stop writing and start reading... and now I just wanted to go buy an ice cream (WTF!!!).
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I've been trying to write something coherent for at least two days and I can't do anything else. The ideas fight each other to be poured onto paper and in the process they annihilate each other, and by not being able to share the same space they cause ruptures in the fabric of space-time and afterwards there is no trace that they existed.
My creative side is now like a kind of pitched battle from Braveheart, the Mel Gibson movie, except that in my case at the end of each scene everyone is dead. All my ideas are dead, pierced by the swords of other ideas. It is a true genocide of which I am the only protagonist, witness, and affected. My personal little temporary apocalypse.
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This same text, in which I simply express my current impotence to write, is costing me an enormous amount of work. It's as if all the imaginary distractions in the world have decided to come to me today between line and line, and parade before me wearing the most provocative lingerie in the world and the most seductive perfume ever created, forcing me to look even out of the corner of my eye, furtively.
Just now I just remembered the cartoons of the Atomic Ant, with his helmet and everything, fighting the bad guys, why? No idea. But getting back on topic, the point is that these days when work absorbed me like a thirsty sponge, they have completely thrown me off balance, and as the waters calm down I am struggling to stay afloat and not drown.
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By scrolling my playlists I have selected one of the jazz pianist and singer Diana Krall, and it seems that little by little it has an effect... for now. These moments of apparent calm can last minutes or hours, you never know, but since the notes sound like those of the final scene of a movie, I will end this creative attempt, which more than giving birth to something, has been the chaotic hangover expression of the week.
I will finish the text, before he finishes me. Who would have thought that a few days of abstinence from myself could culminate like this? In an organized chaos, which despite everything, is an expression of what I am and what I want, although I can't always express it in an articulated and coherent way. But in the end coherence is overrated, and in the end we're just a bunch of walking contradictions, are we? And whoever is free from chaos, cast the first stone.
©bonzopoe, 2022.
Thank you very much for reading this post and dedicating a moment of your time. Until next time and remember to leave a comment.
