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What do you do if you're a barely operational human who aspires for a gold medal?
What if you run for a minute and google starts showing you pacemaker adverts?
What if the only fencing you know about is the dude selling Gucky and Brada watches from the back of his van?
What if your parents skipped swimming lessons knowing your fat ass will float on water?
Nobody believed in you and now you can't go to the Olympics...
...But there is hope
Let us start categories for unathletic, lazy couch onions, so we can also have shining gold medals instead of the gold covered chocolate you're hiding from your kids.
Binge Watching - A true test of stamina, endurance and how far humans can push the limit without witnessing actual sunshine.
Boss Bitching - A true teamwork sport that plays to everyone's snarkiness and keeps you mentally strong.
Dodging Relationships - A grueling sport often involving hurdles like your mom where participants avoid romantic entanglements through agility and under confidence.
Change hunting - You're craving a pizza, it's the end of the month, your eyes lock in the usual targets - the couch, your sweatshirt that you wore for the last week, washing machine and you find enough coins to give money to the delivery guy like a medieval landlord.
Sleeping Gymnastics - Contorting your body into mind-bending poses while sleeping and waking up to find yourself twisted like a pretzel, yes human bodies are such mysteries.
If trying to find the remote was an Olympic sport, I'd have a gold medal
ahhhh the great fartbook, ahhh social media for a bit is fun at times but the way things are headed it's almost like they want us to be online all the time...... "Ready Player One" mixed with the obese chair floaters in "Wall-E" had a baby and mixed it with "The China Syndrome" and out plopped 2021
I'm so good at change hunting, I'd come home with the gold medal.
OK, this part is hilarious not gonna lie.
Uhm, although I'm very good at running, I believe I'd win better medals competing in a sleeping competition, it's like I'm not even trying yet am so good at it.
I'd manage a bronze medal if it had anything to do with food, I mean am definitely a foodie, but my tiny self and small space tummy won't let me go over bound.
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STOPCheck out the last post from @hivebuzz:
I have found cash twice just walking outside. They really make pockets in clothing too shallow in many garments.
Yes, esp for women. I have lost and found my own money but somehow that makes me happy.
I'm holding out to win gold in the Peeing-for-distance competition..
That requires years of practice, skill Olympic Montage starts
there's the 'she pee' where it funnels it and I guess I could wizz my thoughts into snow or something 🦑
You should write a post in urine
lol, nice
you first sir ;)
I can neither confirm nor deny that is a personal goal of mine. It must be instinctive too. When have men NOT tried to pee as far as possible?
It’s never happened.
accurate af
It's like doing basic tasks is beneath a ton of spoiled shi*s who think waking up entitles them to well........anything :)
I laughed and that was nice, nice post!!!!!
😜