My Everyday Dilemma - A Mind with Bits of Everything

How many times have you found yourself questioning what you really are?
And I mean what you are in terms of what you do in your everyday life.

Not only do I ask myself that question, but so many people ask me the same.

I grew up in a house where the emphasis was on doing well in school and everything your Parents strive to get you through, even more than other aspects of family life.

As a kid, I was exposed to as much "fear factors", "controls" and "funny remarks" as possible in a bid to make sure I was at the top of my game in pulling through school and intellectual development.
You would see parents comparing you to the top flyers in your class. They would say "Why can't you have good grades like Paul. He was born like a normal human being with just one head. Why does yours seem to empty?"😂

My parents would pay through their noses to take me to a good school, to write the best exams.
In retrospect, I can't appreciate them enough for their efforts!

But then, as I grew up intellectually, there was a creative part of me that always yearned for expression... I remember that at age 4 or 5 when I started taking fine art classes in early primary school, I would make my first artwork with little effort.
By the age of 7, I was already so good at imaginative drawings. I could look at a car, master it and recreate it in drawing with little effort compared to my peers.
At about the same time my musical mind was also opened. I had neighbours whose kids used to play the recorder. I was privy to lay my hands on a recorder in my school back then, so I would spend evenings learning with them.
My dad was good on the harmonica and percussion instruments, so I had some exposure to a few musical instruments already... I wish I had access to some more professional guide at that age though

My age-long recorder

By the time I was in high school, I remember I was quite good with diagrams that rich kids in my class would pay me to help them complete diagrams in their school notes so they would score good marks... yes, writing notes were a thing in our schools back then😏

From age 7 till age 15, I was widely stimulated in topics that had to do with creativity and science.
My dad was a science teacher and an avid reader. He had a library of so many science books in the house.
Our house ain't that lively, so asides the occasional moonlight tales he would tell me in the night, it was either books, toys or I was playing in the street.

We didn't have too many family moments, so my mind had ample time to 'build a world of interests' of its own to keep myself company.

I developed a very good knack for creative works over time and my interests spanned a lot of topics. I would make my first computer graphic design at age 12, build my first website at age 14 or 15, make my first professional portrait, pick up the saxophone and clarinet all at age 15.
Bright future in tech and the creative world yeah?😮‍💨

One of my first websites

So where am I taking the story?

Things took a turn at age 14 when I came across this book "Gifted Hands" by Ben Carson. This, coupled with the fact that there was a generalised notion that the 'elite professions' were the best (doctors, lawyers, civil engineers etc) made me take some turn in my career choices.

Source

I was greatly inspired by the great responsibility and prowess a doctor wields in saving lives, but I also thought the profession was a breakout into a great life of affluence.

I figured if I continued with computer science, visual arts or music, I might end up where I won't be happy... And my maths was very bad too🙄
This statements above have come to be some of my greatest misconceptions and assumptions yet.

So I decided I'll go all in to be a Medical Doctor. The amount of work I had to put in to get my grades high enough to be a doctor was enormous, but I thought it was worth it. I remember striking a deal with my parents to get me my first saxophone if I got an admission into the University for Medicine later on. I read my brains out🥵

And so here started the 'death of my creative self'.
I would only read and do school books with very little time for the things I used to love.
My visual art deteriorated poorly, I stopped graphics and web design. I forgot my embouchure on the mouth organ, I practically dropped the recorder.
I held on to the saxophone for sanity's sake. My mind can't do too well without some amount of creative stuff going on, no matter how little

I went to Medschool, one of the top schools in my country. It was also the hardest to go through.
My creative self deteriorated the more. I took solace in a few activities just to keep myself going.Some people would still see me doing these and say I was too distracted from school
Well my scores weren't too good. So it was difficult keeping a creative persona and doing medschool.

It finally got to a point in medschool when I felt I was just pushing against the wall trying to get the best grades. I owned up more to engage my creative self the more... but at this point I had already lost a lot to the years of creative inactivity.

Picking up my recorder again in my late medschool days

So the build up was slow.
By the time I was done with medschool, I was beginning to get a hang of myself again, only for the 'dedicated life of a practicing doctor' to start underpinning my creative self again.

It has taken a lot of deliberate effort to explore other parts of me since then. More times than I can count, I have considered leaving Medicine for a creative world, but I have spent quite some years with Medicine and have come to love it too.

So what do I do?
I try to live every part of me and not let anyone suffer. But then, the world moves fast these days and I have to stick with something.

Today, I'm the Mind with a Bit of Everything.
You might not even have the slightest idea of what other thing I could be if you met me in a creative space.
To some, I'm a doctor, to some a musician, to some a businessman, to some an artist and it goes on, because my mind never really rests... My Everyday Dilemma.

Selah.