Between that show and other events led me to a disturbing stream of consciousness, where even to this day, I cannot say whether free will exists or not. Imagine if we're all deterministically playing our roles out in a pre-scripted play. Maybe the script is so complex that it gives every cause an apparent effect. Humans do this same thing for video games, movies, and play scripts.
However, our thoughts and reasoning may be part of the same script, If we go into it in an anamnestic state of pure fractionated consciousness, just like a person sitting down to watch a movie but hasn't seen the show yet. Only this movie is jam-packed with sensory experiences beyond sight and sound.
Providing that there is some form of alpha and omega energy, perhaps it experiences itself subjectively and does so after writing a highly elaborate script with countless roles constructed as a highly intricate and galactic Rube Goldberg machine. Maybe it goes through all of this trouble to convey to itself a means to find meaning in a lonely environment that is otherwise lacking purpose.
So it gives itself the greatest gift, a myriad of lives, where every cause has a preceding effect. And it does this so that it can contrast and compare all of the profound meanings it's given itself to fix the lack thereof that triggered the entire process of creation in the first place.
Ugh, that came off more disjointed than I intended.
Heh. It is fine and I can relate. There are a lot of things to consider though some of them are only interesting because what the answer actually is won't change things. I don't worry about it. I just enjoy the mind experiments.
👲