I lay in bed sipping a steaming hot frothy Arabica topped with a swirl of cream, a dusting of chocolate and crystalised sugar, and a few well-placed mini marshmallows. When I have a coffee, I go all in!
Getting back at Alex for making my life an emotional roller coaster the past few months, had been the ultimate act of revenge - and how sweet that now tasted! How he thought my leaving had come out of left field was beyond me! Not being able to accept my decision to end things with grace, when our relationship had clearly been dysfunctional for so long; simply added insult to injury. I was never the priority in his life. Taking the one thing away, that did mean the world to him, was the only way for me to shift the narrative.
For months he had been sending flowers to my workplace; leaving voice messages on my phone. It was bordering on insanity, but how do you report something like that?
hey... my jilted lover can't get over me. He keeps sending me roses and leaving sweet nothings on my voicemail. Um no!... he doesn't stalk or threaten me... ok thanks, bye.
sigh
I mean he isn't dangerous. He's just... delusional. And I deserve better!
I scrolled through my inbox... and there it was... another email from Alex! My finger hovered over the notification. I desperately wanted to swipe left and have it, and him, deleted from my life, but the subject caught my eye. I checked myself. Curious, I waivered, my mind running all manner of scenarios. Then I opened the email. He was infuriating. Damn him!
From: Alex
Hey Cyndi!
If you got this far then you resisted the temptation to hit delete!
I promise this is not some misguided broken-hearted attempt to win you back. That ship has sailed. I realise that.
I'm not gonna lie, the last month has been pretty rough for me. But a few weeks ago, I finally managed to pull myself off the sofa, cleaned up the mounting tower of stale beer cans, and threw the cigarette stubs in the trash. Your fastidious good self would appreciate my new housekeeping habits. I've pulled myself together. Ha! You might even be a tad proud of me if you could see what I've achieved! The dishes get washed every evening; the house vacuumed each day. My place is spick and span. Fancy dropping by? Just kidding! I do think it's best if we maintain some distance and space.
I won't take up much of your time. I just needed to talk to someone. Yesterday ended at another all-time low. Sadly, the only person I could think of who would understand how bad it was for me, is the one who walked out on our 5-year relationship by text. Ok! ok! Don't roll your eyes - I know we agreed not to play the blame game! But... I guess technology really did play a major part in our relationship after all 😞 ... and I found something of yours that I thought you'd like back!
So... back to yesterday. My boss was a shithead again. Dissed my ideas in the team meeting and then made me work late to compensate for his indecision and inefficiency. Seriously, the sooner I get outta there, the better! Seems like a common theme running through my life at the moment. 😜
I got home after 9 pm. The only thing I could think of all the way home was crashing back into my armchair and savouring a nice hot mug of freshly brewed Arabica. Imagine my horror when I entered my kitchen to face this!!!
Who would do such a thing? Look at all that empty space next to the hob!!! All of my prized coffee gear... GONE!!! My baby!... my Coffee Master 2000... GONE. Cyndi! Can you even begin to understand what that did to me? I was heartbroken. I know you hate coffee. You never did appreciate my relationship with the bean, but at least you understood how dedicated I was to the perfect brew, and how much I loved my coffee machine.
I swear I could have cried myself to sleep last night. But when I woke this morning, it was with renewed vigour. You only live once, right? So, I upgraded. I invested in a La Marzocco at just shy of $6,000. Isn't she a beauty?
I know ... trust me! That is a lot of greenbacks right there! But... here's the thing... it gets worse! It was only after I'd entered the credit card details, and hit purchase, that I realised the card I used did not belong to me! I mean, it's not my fault. I found the card lying on the floor in my entrance hall when I arrived home last night. I simply assumed I'd dropped it. Why wouldn't I? So I picked it up and slid it into my wallet. But, after I paid this morning, I noticed the name on the card...
Anyway, now I need to return your card to you. Could you email me your new address, please?
By the way, I installed a home security system last month. This image came off the camera from last night. Looking good, Cynds! I guess you could say we're even!
ps: My new girlfriend loves coffee! She took the pic of me and my new toy!
My hands shook uncontrollably. I felt the heat rise in my cheeks as the scream escaped my lips. Moments later my coffee mug met its end against the far end of the bedroom wall.
Header Image by Fallon Michael in Canva Pro Library
Image 2 & 3 are screenshots from my personal email account.
Image 4 by Pro creators in Canva Pro Library
haha 😂 brilliant! It reminds me of when I broke up with an old girlfriend and she took my Xbox with her as we had bought it together, although I didn't get any satisfaction like here. lol
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Absolutely cute. Revenge can be a hard pill to swallow.
I loved how the “shocking message” came, totally, out of left-field—and I laughed and laughed! ☕️❤️💕❤️🤗
Yay! Glad you liked it - I had so much fun writing this !LUV
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I think it's the most expensive joke in the world haha xD very good story I enjoyed it very much, thanks for sharing :D
haha, thank you so much for taking the time to read it. I tried to walk that facetious line without revealing too much til the end. I appreciate you stopping by and love that you enjoyed it! !LUV !LOLZ
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...then I don't want to know how bad asworstos is.
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Awesome story - the title caught my eye and the twist at the end was brilliant. Keep up the amazing work!
Oh at first I felt sorry for her, thinking how men are such horrid stalkers who don't know when to leave woman alone (der, when they ask them too) and then you cleverly flipped it. I was definitely cheering Alex along... What sweet revenge 😂😂😂 Great read. Don't you love these prompts ... They are SO fun!
More like couple goals.
👀 😆 🤣
The credit card part was a great addition to the story, and so was the home security system.
This was a totally brilliant read.
I could imagine me and my girlfriends sprawled out in a hall reading his email and dying with laughter 🤣
You've got to appreciate a solid plot twist! I honestly still hate him because of the way he talks, BUT at the end I hated her too 😂. I can see why the relationship was not going swimmingly before it ended, what a freaking pair! ahahahaha !LOLZ !LUV
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An udder failure.
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haha thanks, Grindan. This was a fun write. I love the #STB prompts each week - I am trying to write each time. Gives me the opportunity to try injecting some humour into some light-hearted writing. Glad my characters had that effect. Scoundrels the pair of them! !LOLZ !LUV
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Gaaaaaaahhhhhh!!! Oh No! How do I even react to that??? I'm not even sure how to feel. Is Cyndi a bad person here? Or . . What the heck Sam...😂 I'm all up in a twisr because of this. I'm laughing but I'm also angry for Cyndi. Lmao
ROFLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL I had so much fun writing this. i almost didn't get to bed at all last night!!! !LOLZ
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They just work on so many levels.
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I see why!!! The humor is just something else!!!!😂😂😂
The subject of that mail is quite interesting and enough to catch attention. I will try to do such kind of mail in case of emergency situation.
One question, Is it your real-life story? Actually I don't know too much and for that reason I am asking.
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HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!
this is the BEST!!!!!!!! oh my gosh!!!! hahahahahahaha from start to finish - i loved it!!!! loved every part - i didn't know who to side with!!!! LOLOL
but I guess they kinda deserved each other - and oh man - the credit card!!!! this was SUPER creative Sam! hahahahaha seriously - still sitting here thinking... "why didnt' i think of that!" LOLOLOLOLOLOL
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🤣 revenge can be sweet indeed - especially when it's dealt in such big doses!
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