The topic of abortion has always been a highly debated one. It’s one that many people come at from different angles. Some go through religious routes, others go through ethical routes, while some just use plain logic. And for me, I believe that only the people who are at risk of having their lives upended by pregnancies should have a say in that.
Getting pregnant is no easy feat, becoming a parent has to be one of the hardest things in this world, and it requires being intentional about the life you’re bringing. You don’t become a parent on a smiling face, you don’t become one on a whim. You have to be ready and willing to take on the responsibilities it brings about. If not, you’re simply bringing a child into this world to suffer for mistakes that you made.
One of the things many people say in Nigeria is that no one knows tomorrow. That baby today could end up becoming the president tomorrow, the child you’re rejecting today might become the breadwinner of the family. And thus, many parents give birth to multiple kids, hoping to turn them into beasts of burden later in life.
One of the most heartbreaking things I’ve seen is people stubbornly having kids that they know they can’t take care of. Every day, you see children on the streets looking malnourished, they’re out of school, they’re constituting a nuisance in the neighborhood. They’re born to parents who really don’t give a damn, and can you blame them? Because the parents don’t even have a damn to give in the first place. They can’t afford it!
Honestly, if you’ve not been in such situations, you really won’t know how bad it can be. I’ve seen a young lady weep inconsolably because her parents had their fourth child. She was the one already taking care of the other two, and they brought yet another that she would be forced to take care of. Another time on Facebook, a lady called out her father and rained insults on him for having nothing to provide but sperm. According to her, they lived in abject poverty, yet he was always sexually active, not even taking the time to use protection, and that led to so many kids, forcing all of them to live wretched lives.
I’ve always said this thing, you don’t have kids hoping that things will work out. You have to be ready before you have kids. If not, these are generational traumas that you’re introducing into your lineage. There’s one mentality that the first child of any family, especially the first daughter, is like a mini-parent, taking care of the younger ones. That’s a mentality from the pit of hell! All the people I know who are firstborns and have siblings relying on them they always complain bitterly, especially when they are not even making enough money to see to their own needs.
So, what are my thoughts on this? I live in a society where people use classism as a tool. Everything is classified like a damn file cabinet. You have boys but no girls, you have girls but no boys, you have too few kids, you have too many kids… people will never pass on the opportunity to place others into the tiny little boxes their tiny little minds have made up. This is one of the reasons people will never be open about them needing to adopt. Even though both parents are okay with it, there are members of society who would see it as their mission to pull them down.
So then, if abortions are made legal, doctors will be allowed to perform them at their own discretion. Making it illegal only allows these ladies to go to quacks who only end up killing them. And should the fathers also have a say in all this? I believe so. Because while the mother might not be ready, the father might, and vice versa. The thing is, if both are not ready, and the baby is born all the same, one will most likely be a deadbeat. And making such a choice without consulting the father is nothing short of a betrayal. In the end, both should be willing to decide on what is best for them.
That’s very important.
