Growing up, I had few friends and was not very social. As the firstborn, I was often reminded that my actions would be mirrored by my younger siblings, which made me very careful in my choices. I tried my best to be a good role model for them. It wasn’t easy, especially when I saw people my age enjoying freedoms that I could not. This led me to become an overthinker, as I often reflected on even the smallest details of my life, questioning what I could have done differently or how I could have handled various situations. I sought validation from others to reassure myself that my conclusions were correct, which contributed to my shyness and fear of public speaking. At one point, I believed I had low self-esteem, but over the years, I worked on myself. I had many one-on-one conversations with myself, affirming that I had much to offer. I realized I needed to put myself out there for others to see me for who I truly am.
My first friend was Humphery, though I can’t really recall how we became friends. I remember he was my childhood friend from primary school and the first person with whom I could speak freely without feeling judged. Our friendship blossomed, but, as life would have it, we lost touch after primary school. I had no phone or social media at the time, so there was no way to maintain our connection. Although our friendship was brief, it gave me the courage to believe that other true friends might be out there.
My second friend was Ibukun, and I remember how we met. We connected during summer coaching sessions in preparation for secondary school, and we later ended up in the same school and class. I also met other friends like Benjamin, Ifeanyi, David, and Bode. Each of these friends had a different impact on my life, and I believe it was a positive influence. Despite my serious demeanor, I had been a lackluster student in primary school. However, meeting these new friends sparked a competitive spirit in me. I began to question, “If they can do better, so can I.” This motivated me to study harder, and I eventually caught up with them. Another driving force was my jealousy; I noticed girls would often approach them with questions, but never came to me. I told myself that if I became more knowledgeable, the girls would notice me, too.
My friendships with Ibukun and the others lasted throughout my secondary school years, filled with both good and bad times. One important lesson I learned during this period was to be a good listener—no suggestion, opinion, or idea is useless, and it's vital to avoid judging others. Although we tried to stay in touch through phone numbers and social media, I was never very social in person or online. Consequently, we lost touch over time, but occasionally, we reconnect online, even if just briefly.
My Roomie
I have a friend whom I consider a brother, so I affectionately call him “Brotherly,” also known as “Rough Rider.” You might be curious about how he got that nickname, but let’s skip that for now. He calls me “Sharpshooter.” We met in school and became friends almost instantly, eventually becoming roommates after three years. Initially, I thought living together might strain our friendship, but instead, it strengthened our bond.
Now, where should I start?
I guess discussing the major sources of conflict in male friendships would be a good beginning: money and women.
Let’s start with money - While living together, we had our share of arguments and disagreements over finances, but we always managed to resolve these issues without damaging our friendship. There were other disagreements as well, but as friends, we found ways to work things out.
As for women, they nearly caused a rift between us, but thankfully, we navigated through it. At one point, when we were still single, my “brotherly” was in love with a girl who also had feelings for me, creating a love triangle. Trust me, she was beautiful, and it was hard to resist the temptation, especially since I could easily pursue her. However, I saw it as a betrayal of our brotherhood. I had a heartfelt conversation with my roommate, explaining the situation. Initially, he was hurt and confused about what the girl saw in me instead of him, but I helped him understand that life isn’t fair. Eventually, we confronted the girl and discovered that she liked both of us but didn't want to choose between us, so she decided to date neither of us, which worked out fine. She became a good friend to both of us, and overcoming these two significant issues solidified our friendship.
Now, how did my roommate become my “Brotherly”?
During my final year of school, I experienced a devastating loss when my father passed away. My whole world crumbled, but he was one of the few who stood by me during that tough time. Growing up in Lagos with a Yoruba mother, I struggled with the Igbo language, which was my dad’s native tongue. My father even sent me to school in the east to help me understand Igbo better, but that’s another story.
After my father’s death, as the first son, I had to take on many responsibilities without knowing the traditional customs. This is where my roommate truly stepped in. He guided me through the expectations and responsibilities I had to shoulder and even helped me interpret the Igbo language along the way. Thanks to his support, I managed to navigate the situation and protect myself from those with ill intentions. I learned my rights, which gave me the strength to stand my ground. He is genuinely a brother to me, and that’s why I call him “Brotherly.” After everything, I made sure to stay in touch with him because he had a significant impact on my life. He is my brotherly for life.
These images are from my device
This is my entry to week 184, edition 03 of the weekly featured contest for reading, and the topic to be discussed is FRIENDSHIPS.
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