They say time heals all wounds, but I strongly disagree. Time only heals wounds when you allow it to or when you let go of the pain. There are also different forms of pain, each requiring a different method of healing. However, the most difficult pain to heal from is emotional pain, such as betrayal, sadness, grief, loss, rejection, denial, and vengeance.
Have I ever been hurt and struggled to let go?
As human beings with emotions, we experience a wide range of feelings, and how we manage these emotions shapes the kind of person we become. So the answer is yes, I have definitely been hurt, and I have considered various ways to seek revenge or payback.
My Experience
Growing up, my late father always told me to never put my trust in anyone. In other words, I think he meant I should not rely on people too much to avoid disappointment. Back then, I didn’t fully understand his advice and often wondered if that was why he had very few friends. After his passing, many people promised to be there for me and to support me, which initially provided some comfort. However, I soon realized that I was only seeing what I wanted to see. To be fair, some people did come through for me, and I am forever grateful to them. However, there are those whom I had believed would show up for me, but they disappointed me instead, and that hurt the most.
At one point in my life, I was unemployed and desperately searching for a job. I remember reaching out to almost everyone I knew because bills were piling up at home - adulthood was no joke. Eventually, my Pastor offered me a job at his wife’s company. Initially, I was hesitant and wanted to work directly for him instead of her. However, a beggar has no choice, so I accepted the position with his wife.
The job was going well until more responsibilities were placed on me. I decided to speak up and ask if I would be compensated for the extra work. However, I didn’t realize that this would lead to my first firing. The wife took offense to my question and reported me to her husband, claiming that I was too entitled and influencing the other staff to request higher pay. I can only defend myself by saying that I never did such a thing, but I know this may sound one-sided, as you’re only hearing my perspective.
Afterward, I went to speak with the husband to explain my side, but I wasn’t even allowed to talk before he fired me. I felt deeply betrayed, especially since I had expected him, being a pastor, to judge the situation fairly. However, I knew he would ultimately support his wife. This experience fueled my growing dislike for the church, as I felt a sense of betrayal towards all men of God. I came to believe they were all the same, leading to a transfer of my hatred towards them. To this day, the pastor has never reached out to me, nor have I contacted him; we just went our separate ways. Occasionally, I receive messages from his wife trying to encourage me, but I perceive them all the same.
Letting Go of the Pain
One fateful day, I can't quite recall what prompted it, but I started to think about forgiving those who had hurt me, recognizing that holding onto anger was doing me no good. When it came to my pastor, the thought that echoed in my mind was that even pastors are human and make mistakes too. So, I chose to forgive him. Even when another pastor betrayed me, I reminded myself of the same thing: “He is only human.”. However, I also decided that I would not become a pastor myself, as I believe we can forgive but not forget.
Since then, when people hurt me, despite the urge to make them feel what I felt, I try to avoid them - especially if I have previously forgiven similar behavior.
In conclusion, letting go of pain is essential for true healing. Passing on pain only perpetuates more suffering and makes it harder to release. Acting on our pain without considering the consequences can lead to irreversible damage. When you are hurt or in pain, try not to act impulsively. Instead, focus on what helps you manage your pain effectively.
This is my entry to week 185, edition 01 of the weekly featured contest for reading, and the topic to be discussed is CIRCLE OF PAIN.
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