Depression is real and it takes only those who have fallen into the state before to understand what it really feels like. A lot of people define their feelings wrongly and sometimes use "depression" instead of the word "sad", I have been through both states in life and can confidently say that the gap between sadness and depression isn't a thin line.
While sadness is a temporary feeling that can be resolved quickly, depression is a state people slip into after having this persistent feeling of sadness. Battling depression takes a longer time and unfortunately, a lot of people have lost the battle against it.
Whenever anyone uses "depression" to describe how they feel at a particular moment, I take my time to listen to whatever they are going through and offer any help within my reach because as a survivor, I know how worse things can get.
Depression is a very dominant feeling that can inspire you to do a lot of negative things and it's one of the reasons you trace many suicide cases to people who were struggling with depression before they passed away. After completing my Ond some years ago, I knew I had to hit the street to look for a job that would see me through my HND and I started going from one organization to another hoping to get a job with fair pay; it should be at least something I can support my family from and also prepare for my HND as well.
Every effort then was futile and it all started with feeling dejected after my struggles amount to nothing at the end of every day. I would lock myself up in my room and cry for hours but whenever I am outside, you can't tell if anything was wrong with me. There was a particular day when I went job hunting on an empty belly and my only shoe sole fell off while I was trekking. I never imagined to find myself in such a situation and it made me cry as I walked barefoot back home.
A lot of my mates who weren't academically sound got jobs because they had connections and also knew the right people while it was the other way around for me. I felt ashamed to share my problems with many of them because it wasn't my thing to ask for help from people.
It got to a point that I started losing interest in hunting for a job and the thought of not being destined for greatness started crawling into my head. I lost interest in many things I love doing and the place of worship became an annoying place because I concluded that if God truly loved me and considered me as a child, he wouldn't let me go through all that.
I was devastated and thought of ending my life a few times even though I was really scared of what would happen to the people who are counting on me and hoping that one day, I will put an end to their struggles. But leaving this world felt like the easiest option for me since I wouldn't be worrying about getting a job or doing anything else in life.
Emptiness and hopelessness replaced my desire for success and different health complications started setting in. It started with depending on alcohol before I could sleep and things escalated very quickly pretty badly. I felt lost and yet, couldn't share my problems with anyone because I didn't want to be taken for a weakling.
Mom noticed I was keeping my distance from her and that was my journey to redemption. She insisted on me returning home for a while and I couldn't say no. I started relieving her at work and that didn't give me time to brood over my situation. I overworked myself and slept off at night without alcohol.
I eventually explained everything and poured out my heart to her. She was pissed I didn't reach out for help and allowed things to become that worse. I felt embarrassed because I was the one who was supposed to support her at that point and not the other way around. Since I could make snacks pretty well, she got me a burner and cylinder to keep myself busy.
The shame of selling such a thing struck my mind but following her advice paved the way for me and I barely did the business for 6 months before getting a job. Putting idleness away and interacting with people every day kept me very much alive and I slowly discarded every feeling and effect of depression on me.
Through that tough time, keeping quiet worsened my situation. It could have been a different issue if I had opened up to people instead of surrendering to depression. I learned my lesson never to keep silent and it's just difficult asking for help in a world where people would mock you. Nevertheless, it's important to always speak up. There will always be someone who wants to hear your story and also help you overcome depression.
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That moment where you feel like it's all pointless because you believe that everything you do won't work out so you rather not do them at all. I've been there as well, and it's a terrible place to be.
I mentioned that only those who have truly been there can tell what it really means to be depressed. Nothing about life makes any sense and I was just living hopelessly.
It was a huge grace that we survived it because a lot of people didn't.
One of the thing that assisted me was that I didn't keep it to myself. I shared it to whoever was there to hear not because I needed their suggestions or something but I just wanted to let it off my chest.
Lovely piece
We must speak up during times like this because the longer we stay silent, the more we empower depression and by the time we have a change of mind to speak up, it might be too late.