What if?
When I was young I used to read a lot. Moving from place to place a lot meant I rarely had close friends. Books? I could take them with me and keep myself occupied. My favorite series was the Narnia books by C.S. Lewis. At the time I knew them inside out and one saying that came up a couple of times in the books I thought was quite sad.
We can never know what might have been but what is to come is another matter entirely
Now I'm not entirely sure that exact quote was in the book but it is a quote attributed to him and the idea came through in the books. We can never know what could have been. I'm not sure why I thought it was sad but it always seemed that if a different choice was made things could have been quite interesting and I would never know that story.
Choices
Of course I grew up as most children do and I made quite a number of choices along the way. One of those choices was going to University. I'm not sure going to University was actually a choice. As the top academic student in my school it was just sort of expected that I would go on to University. Perhaps top student isn't entirely correct. My best friend and rival did exceedingly well also. I had better school grades, he had better provincial exam grades, so I think its fair to call it a tie.
That point doesn't matter too much other than we both went to University and we both went to different Universities. He went to a public one and I went to a private Christian one. We also got entrance scholarships. However, not all entrance scholarships are created equal.
His entrance scholarship? He got free tuition, free boarding on campus for every year he went to University and maintained a 75% average. That meant most of his University was paid for...at least until Multivariable Calculus fried his brain* and his grades suffered.
*Not literally fried, but difficult enough he couldn't wrap his brain around it
As for my entrance scholarship? It paid a good portion of my first year tuition and then nothing after that. My first year or University was very good. My second year of University was very good. The campus was close. The teachers were great. The curriculum was good. The third year...never happened. I simply ran out of money. The private University was just too expensive and I didn't have the money.
I dropped out and worked a minimum wage job for two years before getting enough money to return to University--a public one this time.
From the second university I graduated with honors, got a job, and made a good life for myself.
Lost Opportunity
When I look back at my life I look at those years after High School as "Lost Opportunity" because my two university years only counted as one when I transferred. The two years working minimum wage were minimally productive as I saved nothing and basically just existed. I often wonder "What would have happened if I just went straight to public university and got those three years back"? I could have purchased a house earlier. I would have spent way way less money on education and maybe even got it free so I wouldn't have had to spend almost a decade paying back student loans....I could have been so much richer now.
But
There is much more to life than money and would I have been ready for that path right out of high school?
Lessons in the lost years
I think of the lost money and get sad. I think of the lost earning potential and grumble. I think of having to stop right in the middle of my studies from going broke and it's depressing.
But
I rarely stop to think about the lessons I DID learn during that time.
I was on a path and had to stop abruptly...That taught me that paths change and can change very quickly. Learning to adapt is important.
It taught me the value of money early. Run out and things you want to do become unavailable.
But more than that I met people who changed my outlook on life during my first University years. One girl I knew was truly brilliant (far brighter than me) but during 1st year summer vacation she was in a car accident. She suffered brain trauma and when she came back was barely able to keep up with the class when before she ran ahead of it. Again I learned that things can change overnight
I met another friend from a different Christian denomination who did things very differently than my church did. I stopped..looked at the way she did..and learned deeply that we had the same faith but viewed from a different interpretation. I learned that diversity didn't make them wrong and me right but that we just could agree to disagree and then get along with what truly mattered.
Also during my time working minimum wage I met wonderful friends. Indeed I met some of the best friends I have had in my life. Times spend with those friends were some of the best memories I can think of in my entire life. Evenings spent learning about technology, sound and music, watching movies, and so much more. Would I truly want to give up the best times in my life for money???
Focusing on what I can change
At this point in my life it is tempting to look at the "What could have been". It is so easy to think that my life would be so much better ... if only ... but honestly? Why? It serves no useful purpose. It only makes me discontent with what I actually have achieved and distracts me from thinking of what I can do moving forward.
Perhaps you disagree and I'd love to hear that in the comments.
But for me? I'll look back on the quote from earlier.
We can never know what might have been but what is to come is another matter entirely
It means something very different to me now. Why waste energy on what I can't change when I can spend that energy moving forward to make a change in what is to come? I look back to learn and reflect but look forward to spend my time and energy.
And thank you for spending your time reading this far, I do appreciate it.
I loved your story and the process you had! We'll never be able to know that "what if..." because our choices create our destination and shape us according to circumstances. You couldn't be less right!!
I'm glad you enjoyed the story / article. Hope it passed as I noticed your an English teacher :) I still wish I could ask God to show me a What-If or two someday but for now I'll settle for making the future the best I can :) Have a great day and thanks for the response
Thanks to you for paying attention into my comment. Yes, I am an English teacher 😄. It was a great experience to read you, and I'm sure that God will always have good things for you in your path.