Ever since I can remember, I have been drawn to things that are disturbing and uncomfortable, both visually and aurally, from gruesome images to loud music. I used to love dark and creepy things, such as the artwork on metal band album covers, which fascinated me with their eeriness, which I thought was really cool. Then there were the disturbing underground comics like Mike Diana's Boiled Angel and various other disgusting comics I found on the internet. Those visuals greatly influenced my creative style, whether I was making illustrations or collages, both analogue and digital. The visuals from the various works I saw turned me into someone who loves horror and strange things, like drawing monsters, ghosts, torn bodies, skulls and related things. For me, they are very cool and interesting to draw. Depicting something gloomy and disturbing makes me happy and at the same time teaches me the meaning of life, such as death, destruction, silence and anger.
Regarding this collage, I want to convey that it is a view of something disturbing, whether it disturbs the mind or whatever it is. Vision is my view of the meaning of the life I live. I am required to live my life and see everything going as it should. My mouth must remain open in order to socialise and seek everything by talking to each other as a form of communication. I open my mouth wide until my teeth are visible and my breath smells bad, my eyes are wide open and I also want to stay awake so that I can continue to think and enjoy these thoughts that are constantly active. Unlike my mouth, my eyes are not forced to see anything, I myself want to see and feel whatever I want, pleasure and horror are one and the same. On the other hand, there is something disturbing, something that makes me want to sleep and not wake up yet, death and the bitter reality that I, who am alive now, will surely die, leaving behind a history that will quickly be forgotten and a skull that will soon merge with the earth, decay and rotten, life and death.
Apart from visuals, I also like disturbing audio, whether it's instrumental melodies or music groups, from film soundtracks to band albums. I like experimental audio such as noise, unclear sounds or broken TV sounds, radios that can't get a signal, or sounds from old tape that are so gloomy, then loud music like Slipknot to Tupac :)
This is a feeling where I see something disturbing yet enjoyable at the same time, with a happy heart. Sometimes I really like gory things with a certain mood in certain situations. I like to see things that smell of violence and so on as a reflection that at least out there I still feel safe where I am, but that doesn't rule out the possibility that horror is everywhere and you never know where it will strike. I want to talk more, but it feels inappropriate to delve too deeply into such sensitive topics. Well, that's how it is, hahahah :D
Okay, I created this collage entirely using Paint.net, taking images from internet and using a free font called Chomsky.
Here are the steps I took, which I turned into a GIF :
