Photo by the author, Deeann D. Mathews, February 16, 2024
“Look, what I learned a long time ago from Pop-Pop: trust the duck, and respect the goose, and you won't get hurt out here in the wild.”
“I'm trying to figure out how we don't know there's a pool or something real close by here, though.”
Nine-year-old Vertran Stepforth and his first cousin nine-year-old Milton Trent were discussing the phenomenon of goodly numbers of water fowl suddenly making their way into the local area, just before their Pop-Pop – their grandfather, Thomas Stepforth Sr., called them into the house just as Col. H.F. Lee came out and called the Ludlow grandchildren in.
“You know how they were supposed to have fixed that water main last month?” Mr. Stepforth said to Mrs. Stepforth as she and older grandchildren Melvin and Vanna Trent came in with groceries they were hastily getting into the house.
“Not quite,” Mrs. Stepforth said. “I bet that's what happened.”
Meanwhile, Col. Lee, who was a trustee for the Lofton Trust that administered the Veteran's Lodge, was on the phone and …
“Definitely in goose mode, not duck mode,” Milton reported back to Vertran because he was on the phone with the colonel's little cousin George Ludlow.
“Stay on the phone, George!” Vertran and his elder brother Tom said.
“We're going to get this double scoop, bruh!” Tom said as he put the Lofton County Free Voice on the other line.
“Yeah, you get what's said and I'm going to get the footage as the water comes by!” Vertran said, “and then we'll make sure both get both!
“I'm going to need every contract and the profile of everybody who signed off on this water main fix in my inbox in ten minutes flat – I will wade in the water and put everybody over there on the Mud March if I can't find out who is responsible the easy way,” said Col. Lee on the phone. “I already know about the washers and joint problems – you think you are so important that I called you first. You're not.”
“Oooooh, I love it when he is like this, because that means I don't have to be!” eight-year-old Edwina said.
“I'm just glad it's not me,” Amanda said, “because, see, Cousin Harry is really nice until he's not, and he's not feeling so nice today, and I don't think the people he is talking to are safe at all.”
“Yeah, but when you don't get big water pipes sealed off right, nobody is safe, so he has to get to the bottom of this so we can all be safe,” ten-year-old Andrew said as Mrs. Maggie Lee and eleven-year-old Eleanor came with snacks and books for everyone.
“What they need to do,” six-year-old Grayson said, “is have me come Lego it shut. Legos have good seals because of the way they click together.”
“Especially the red ones,” five-year-old Lil' Robert said. “They don't have enough red ones over there.”
Meanwhile, Vertran and Tom were getting all the footage as a new river started cutting through the yard between the Ludlow and Trent homes...
“That's flowing at about $100,000 per minute in cleanup costs, so your company had better get all its lawyers and accountants together – and that's if the material I asked for is in my inbox before I get off this phone.”
“Col. Lee is definitely living his best goose life right now,” Vertran said.
“Yeah, because you can feel them just getting torn up the way this water is tearing up the center of the space between our homes,” Milton said.
“This would be a heck of a time for some water sliding, through, or some lawn surfing!” George said.
“Look, George, respect the goose,” Vertran said. “You don't want your cousin in the mood he is in, coming out on the yard seeing you do that.”
“Yeah, George, no – it's a great idea, but still, it's not worth it today,” Milton said. “Your Cousin Maggie is the duck of your family – go get some snacks and trust the duck of the family, but respect the goose, man, respect the goose.”
“Your Cousin Maggie is the duck of your family – go get some snacks and trust the duck of the family, but respect the goose, man, respect the goose.”
I love it.
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