Homegrown Collage = Internets + Luv
Vermouth is a notoriously dry mouth. Pour a thimbleful of vermouth into a bottle of gin and get a truckload of sand. Toss in an olive, and it’s petrified wood, which is a tree so terrified it bursts into flames and starts screaming commands like “remember you said you weren’t going to drink tonight” and “you should probably call in sick tomorrow.”
Thanks to climate change, the mouth of the Colorado River is sometimes near dry as vermouth. Then it attracts sand cats, which you’d think were fish, but you’d be drunk. Charlie Poole thought, if the river was whiskey, it wouldn’t be so uptight. It would still roast duck though.
T. Coraghessan Boyle fished stories from that river, and it’s fun to say T. Coraghessan Boyle until your lips are chapped. It’s sillier to say Breece D'J Pancake with a sunburnt tongue. Pancakes are notoriously dry too. Nobody could choke down a single crumb but for the trees of Vermont. Never pour pancake on a vermouth tree, or risk igniting a pandemic.
That was a fun read, nice and silly ideas that were well drawn together from the initial thread 😊
Thanks for reading and commenting. Laughter is wonderful, and I’ve always loved clowning around with text. The first time I used my grandmother’s typewriter as a child, I rattled off a bunch of silliness like this, and it’s been a favorite pastime ever since. I thought it was a strange personal habit that just tickled friends and family until, when I was about 14, I found a book called Skywriting by Word of Mouth by John Lennon. Then I realized, maybe my idea of silly writing isn't uncommon. Then, a couple of years later, one of my high school teachers introduced me to Gertrude Stein, and I totally settled in to my weirdness.
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