Take a sweeping glance at it all
Cast your eyes where the edges fall
And shame comes to life
Just to remind you his silence allows you
To live. To exist.
And tell me who to blame.
The past keeps poking
On your mental fortitude, rocking
The what is meant to anchor you amidst
The seemingly sane men flooding the streets
Always hurrying. Always rallying.
And tell me who else to blame.
From the shores of your own angry seas
You stood like a spectator waiting to see
How high them toxic waves can raise
Too stiff to entice the much needed inner peace
Reigniting confusion. Refueling its storm.
And tell me who we should blame.
This is/was a response to @mariannewest 's freewrite prompt from two days ago but I somehow let it sit in my drafts. Why?
Sometimes it is difficult to convince myself that a piece is good enough to see the light of the screen. Also. It felt like it wasn't complete. Like there is/was something it lacking as a piece. But I can't seem to come up with anything else to add to it. Share your thoughts :)
Well, IT'S FREAKING EXCELLENT.
And I am freaking HUMBLED :D
I would not add anything. The movement is complete; the search of who to blame from one individual, broadening to the multitude, and settling on the inside, on the self. I find this meaningful, as I think ultimately we are responsible for our own lives (we are to blame). Perhaps the sense of incompletion you feel is a sense that something can be revised or rephrased. The last stanza took a bit more work for me to understand. Especially the line "too stiff to entice the much needed inner peace". At first I thought the waves were 'too stiff', but I think it refers to how the 'you' stood. My inkling is that the last stanza could do with revision, to bring it up to speed with the first two. Hope that helps. Oh, and I already love it. It's already good. :)
What an amazing way to unpack. I always revisit old work and try to revise what I can. You pointing out what needs to be revised helps. Thank you for the read :)
Who was it that said a poem is never finished, merely abandoned? I probably don't revisit my old work often enough.
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Thank you Curie 😊
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