Fourth is, and you can see me, be aware of body language. Right? It can tell others a lot about you, your facial expressions, etc.
You know, and other... there's a technique called mirroring the other person's body language to create better rapport. And that's not done as a manipulative thing; it's just, you know, somebody's got their arms crossed, you may want to cross yours; if they got their arms open, they're more relaxed, kind of just mirror it. But that kind of tells them you're, again, you're seeing what they're doing, right? But body language is something critical, and you don't want to overlook it.
So also, changing your body language can change the way in which others perceive you and even the way in which you perceive yourself. So it's critical, guys. So watch your body language, okay? If you want to influence people, one of the biggest things on here too that I don't want to pass up talking about is when you're greeting somebody. I can't tell you many times this has helped me. When I'm looking, I'm shaking their hand, if somebody's looking the other way, guys, that tells me you're not really tuned in; you really don't care; you're just kind of going through the drill. And again, don't bother; be sincere.
But guys, when you're shaking somebody's hand, firm handshake, look them in the eye. Don't be turning the other way. Again, your body language is saying something there, and if people are paying attention like I am, it's not a good one.
Fifth, this sounds a little bit manipulative, so I'm going to explain this. I pulled these ideas from another list, but fifth is to sell the benefits. Okay? And let me explain this: sell the benefits of your argument to the other person. And you want to try to get them to see your position from their perspective. Again, that requires what? Empathy. So you got to listen, you got to empathize, and you got to ask questions, right? So that's not manipulative. Don't get in this high-pressure sales schlock, right? Again, where you're just, you're all about your whatever; you want to get what you want to get out of it. You don't.
So again, if you're going to sell the benefits, you're going to have to again listen, empathize, and ask questions. It's something I did; I was successful in outside sales, custom manufacturer work for, and that's some of the biggest skills I put in play, or I learned, is to listen, ask questions, find out, make sure what they're looking for is what... why they have me there. Maybe what they're looking for isn't exactly what they need, but you get that by asking questions and empathizing and listening. That takes all the pressure off you and them because I'm not here to sell you unless there's a match. So get away from the high-pressure sales schlock.
Gary Vaynerchuk puts it this way, you know, "Don't sell, build your brand." Guys, I think you have to do more work; it's a longer game. But again, people like me that have been around the business world, on social media, if I can sniff out if you're trying to give me some high-pressure sales schlock, I will cut you off. I will delete you; I will unfollow you. And again, you've lost your influence; you've wasted your time and my time. Okay?
Number six is just be relaxed, okay? And be authentic. You know, I think a relaxed and natural demeanor is more likely to achieve a more successful result than an emotional or demanding approach, or where you're trying to be overly charismatic, maybe. That works to a point, but you gotta be you, right? And a tip I'd say, don't come across salesy, again, especially on social media. But being authentic means that you act in ways that show your true self and how you feel. And bottom line, just, guys, be genuine, right? You demonstrate that natural confidence will help persuade others, hopefully, that your ideas are good. And again, with that, don't be fake. Be authentic, be genuine, and don't be fake.
Seventh is invest your time, right? And it takes time to learn this skill. Influencing is not a quick fix. It can take time to develop empathy and awareness and all these other skills. But you're more likely to get what you want if you play a long game, right? Too many people just in the short deal, like it's called the old school, and again, this ties so much into the sales guys: "If I just make a connection, say, 'Hey, how you doing? Hey, you want to buy this stuff?'" Again, you have not built rapport, and you're just bypassing everything else.
And I say this to say that the art of influencing doesn't come naturally to everyone. Some people have it better, but again, I believe it's more of a learned skill, just like leadership is really a learned skill. Now, I don't think anybody's born a true leader; it's something you have to work on and develop as a skill. But there's many sources of help to help you develop your influencing skills, right? There's online resources, books, great YouTube videos you can watch: John Maxwell, you know, Gary Vaynerchuk, a lot of other people that are leaders—Tom Bilyeu, Ed Mylett. And especially even on social media, there's LinkedIn groups. And of course, training is always an option for you to help hone and develop your influencing skills, right? And again, hint here is leaders are readers, so I really recommend you read. Again, How to Win Friends and Influence People would be a great start.
So leadership is the ability to influence others in a positive sense. And an effective leader influences followers into action, not with coercion, like I mentioned manipulation, but by gaining their desire and conviction in the vision and goals that are spoken by them as a leader. And this starts with building rapport first.
Misused influence, guys, I promise you, can bring about negative and even catastrophic results. If you really want to gain influence, if you do that like with me, I just delete you and unfollow you, etc., you've wasted your time and mine too. Don't do that. So develop your influence by practicing these seven simple skills to be a true influencer.
Now, I would love to hear your feedback on how you're influencing others. Was this message helpful to give you some tips, some things to think about? I hope it did. Let me know. Thanks again for tuning in today, guys. Hope you had a safe and wonderful last Day of October. Have an awesome Thursday today. Bye-bye.