A Friend for Comfort

in Comedy Open Mic6 months ago

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The weekend is already behind us and with every ending comes a new beginning, which means that we're into another week. If you're a Manchester United fan like me, you're happy because we failed to lose over the weekend, same as Chelsea fans.

But not so much for Arsenal fans who just went from winning the title (after beating Manchester City), to scouring for trash at the foot of the table like Lazarus with a group of yahoo boys in blue jerseys.

But I don't want to start this week by attacking less privileged teams who are just playing catch up with the city of Manchester where my team is based. I am rather here to talk about another of my friends who's name is Comfort or as we call her Cum-ford or Cummy.

Cummy is a very driven woman, hence the "Ford". But no she's not a good driver, she's rather a very cumfortable passenger who gets driven a lot. Cummy used to think that no one could haveford her, so these drivers took it upon themselves to engage in an overdrive, leaving her almost scarred on all sides. Now Cummy looks like a skeletal exhibition used for a high school biology practical.

There's one particular driver who was very keen to drive Cumford, so he decided to invite her out for a test. After a few days of mutual engagement at her favorite spot, called the V-spot, he came back to tell us that Cummy is such a huge well of knowledge that he really was interested in drinking from.

Well, he had already drank from the well and was pleasantly surprised at the amount of flow that he was blessed with. But that was up until he caught a glimpse of the light and thought he was blessed with more than just a flow of white wine, but also with a good dose of the red version. I guess he got more than he bargained for.

Cummy isn't only well driven, she's also well ridden. A good rider of all sorts, she's an Olympic champion material, just that there's no category in the games yet that fits her profile. Her foot job is so exquisite and she's even an expert at riding a cow in reverse.

Cummy is very popular in the penissula, always having a good piece projecting into her waterways from a large landmass. She's a recreational hub for all who are facing hard times and need the relaxing of their nerves.

Sometimes she's so flexible that she can be easily benzed over, which is a plus for her. But her flexibility can also depend on the driver's skillset and technique.

Many at times we look back on her name to understand where she's coming from. Because Comfort has comforted many, in season and out of season. I believe that on her deathbed (long may it tarry), her flowers will be the length of the Nile, because she has watered many and the flowers have no choice but to blossom. Long live Cumford, as we await the second cumming.

N/B Nothing in this post is as it seems

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So you are a man united fan Abii? Is your brother that I saw this morning that was saying that his benefits of being a Chelsea fan is, he has not fell sick for the past 25years 🤣🤣🤣🤣.... There is God ooh...

I have no affiliations with any Chelsea fan please 😂

Hahahaha 🤣😂🤣🤣 because you are a man united abii? 🤣

Man u continue to dissapoint this season because I don't know where you guys will end up in the table season.

But how do you know all of this things you said, did you play a match with comfort, is good to know a good football star, I didn't know that cummy can play so well, so in which football club is she, I have a striker I will want to play for her team.

😂😂

I've known Cummy for a long time, that's how I know..

But Cummy is a free agent, and she prefers to stay that way because then she doesn't owe anyone an obligation.

If you have a player, then I can arrange a friendly match to see how he performs

😂 my player is going to win the match, he is a very good one when it comes to scoring of goals, so just tell cummy to expect two nill 😂

😂😂
I think you underestimate Cummy. She's the queen of cleansheet