in Comedy Open Mic10 months ago

Source: (Image by brgfx on Freepik)
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Once upon a time, there was a young boy.
This boy was filled with hope, joy and he had the brightest smile.
He lightened up every room he entered and spread cheerfulness to everyone he met...

And then this boy entered University and he became dead inside.

I am the boy,
the boy is me.

School sucks,
and I'm not just saying that because I'm writing exams.
School genuinely sucks.
Everytime I think "this is the worst, it can't get any worse than this." It somehow finds a way to get worse.

School sucks so bad that you can clearly see the difference between seniors and freshers (newbies).
Just look into the eyes, freshers still have joy in their eyes.
Look into the eyes of seniors and all you'd see is a pool of emptiness and darkness staring back at you.

"But Maximus, school can't be that bad, surely you're exaggerating...." You say

I assure you dear reader, it is that bad.

At least my school is:

Sun that burns away your calories and complexion and will to live.

Lecturers that make you want to ambush them somewhere and beat them up

and exams that threaten to take your life.

And that was just today.

Now imagine spending 5 full years with these conditions,

You know what,
I think I have superpowers because I don't know how I've not run mad.
If you've wondered why I've not been active for a long time, it's this freaking school.
It takes so much time to just be a student
And being a student kinda sucks.

Call me elastic man, because I dey undergo stress mehn.

Through all these ruminations about how school sucks,
I came across some scenarios on the internet that sparked some light in me.

Do you know there's a way you can pass exams without having to write a single thing?

Even better, do you know there's a way you can graduate without having to write any more exams??

Well I'm here to enlighten you,
It's time for the breakdown that will prevent school from breaking us down.




Now this might seem like an extreme exaggeration, but there's actually a lot of truth to it.

It's a law called "pass by catastrophe"

What it basically means is; if something happens to the physical structure of the school, like it burning down or a tornado destroying everything or other kinds of catastrophe, All current students immediately graduate with a bachelor's degree.

Isn't that convenient
Isnt that just the most convenient thing you've ever heard?

So all that needs to happen is for my school to just kaboom and everyone will be free??

Excuse me while I make arrangements for a few hundred gallons of petrol.
And it's definitely not because I'm planning to burn down my school,

of course not,
I would never do that.

unrelated, but if you're reading this and you know where I can get TNT, please let me know.


Just dropout
Think about it
I mean think deeply about it

is all this stress really worth it
School kicks our balls physically, emotionally, mentally and most importantly financially

Why not just drop out

Mark Zuckerberg did it
Bill gates did it

You can do it too

I mean sure, they went to Harvard and are super geniuses that already had backing from big people

but you have... the power of friendship

so you're just like them

be free,
Leave this pain once and for all.

You might be wondering what to do after dropping out,

that's actually not my problem

I'm here to help you escape academic pain.
what happens after is your personal business.

Before I go,
nobody should even try and ask me why I'm not following my own advice

coaches don't play...

so shut up.



That's about it, school sucks and I am pained so I just wanted to share some of that pain with y'all.

I am not an advocate for violence or destruction, so if you read this article and decide to get yourself into trouble,

That's your personal problem.

I might hate the school with every fiber of my being but I'm still gonna finish it.
So I will not be taking responsibility for your dumbassness.

Time to finish another day of just 2 hours sleep.

I just adore examinations.
Examinations are so cool.
The person that invented examinations is definitely not burning in hell right now.

I need caprisun.

Thank you for reading.

Stay buzzing,



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Fresheners in schools doesn't know the real school, untill they start seeing their results, and that may probably comes up after their first semester, when their senior told them about what they're going through in that school, they finds it hard to believe, because first year in school is full of discovery.

I remember when I was judging the seniors results

Until I wrote my first exam
That's when I understood 😂😂😂

Speaking of school sucks, a little boy is crying that he don't like school... Looking at it in a different way it really sucks.

It does o
But we shall survive

LOL! I like the catastrophe method,just imagine being a graduate overnight, no examination nothing, nothing 😂 but the problem is you will have no result and you know that's the most important thing right? Ah! Who certificate epp self? Graduate, is graduate.. please I have a spark, bring that petrol let's set your school ablaze.. i just pray you don't end up graduating after twenty years though.

There's no difference between graduating in 300 level and 500 level
At least not in Nigerian Universities

There's no applicable knowledge being taught
Everything na cramming

please I have a spark, bring that petrol let's set your school ablaze.. i just pray you don't end up graduating after twenty years though.

Be like say you get some criminal tendencies 😂😂
And I have a better idea

Why don't you burn it yourself and if you're caught
I'll be visiting you sometimes in jail🌚

LoL.. nooo... It's you who hates school. I just want to help you graduate fast, so do it yourself.. I will be right behind you

Keep your friends close and your enemies closer

I no even know where I want put you like this😑

Hahhahah... 🤣🤣😂 Haba bro, it hasn't gotten to that na

Dropping out is the best option. You don't have to spend all your money in school and at the same time, end up with nothing.

My dear, just do it. Be our pioneer


What did I say in my post
I said don't ask me to follow my own advice

coaches don't play
Why you wan make I play 😂😂😂

So that you'll tell story of something inspired with experience

You're determined to get me into trouble abi

Seriously, this is what is happening in our schools today. More than five hours writing exams a day for six years. Spending from 7am to 4pm daily for six years... Ah... It's enough to say school sucks...