Full disclaimer: I am not an arsonist, nor do I exhibit arsonist behavior... well, except when I spray insecticide on a candle to do that flamethrower thing.

but apart from that, I do not exhibit arsonist behavior! so no one should report me to fire safety services.

now that that's settled, on with the story!


Once upon a time, when the economy wasn't shit, and Twitter was still a normal social media,
I was a little boy, definitely not grown enough to know that setting forests on fire was stupid.

I was little and dumb.

I was a little boy and I was bored that fateful day.
I had already read all my novels and watched all my cartoons.
I had nothing to do.

So I went around my compound entertaining myself with my imagination.

Now there was a big Bushland right next to my compound, and sometimes I just liked staring at it to see if I can see a snake.

I never did see a snake, just the less cool versions of them — lizards.

That day, I climbed up the fence to look for snakes again, but this time, something else caught my eye.

The bush was very dry.

Now I don't know what spirit entered me or what voice spoke to me.
But I immediately had an idea.

A Stoopid idea but an idea nonetheless.

I rushed inside to grab matches and climbed back up.

Then I started striking and dropping the matchsticks into the bush.

I promise I'm mentally stable, I was just bored!

So I kept on dropping it,
a little flame will pop out, burn for a bit, then it will sizzle out.

It was fun.

Then I threw one and a flame sprouted forth.

But it didn't sizzle out.
It kept spreading and spreading.

uh oh

I started to panic,
it was at that moment I actually considered the ramifications of my actions.

3 houses surrounded the bush land I was trying to set on fire.
If this fire spread fully,

I'd be in big trouble.

The police wouldn't care if I was 12. They'll label me a hardened criminal and put me in jail.
I didn't want to go to jail!
I'd watched the boondocks, they rape people there!

My little brain started to scramble for solutions.

Then I saw the tap outside and eureka!
I had a solution.

I ran inside to get a bucket and went to the tap,
As the bucket was filling.

The Bushland was already starting to expel smoke.

I didn't wait for the bucket to get filled.

I just ran, climbed and dumped the water,
but it wasn't enough.
My little weak arms could not carry much.

So I kept running to the tap, filling it and dumping on the growing fire.

I did this about 7 times before the fire finally stopped spreading

I was safe,
the environment was safe.

Bucket in hand, butt on fence
I breathed a sigh of relief.

Then I heard the gate open.

It was my dad.

I'm dead.

He stopped in his tracks.

Looked at me, looked at the matches on the ground, looked at the smoke coming out of the Bushland and looked at the bucket in my hand.

I thought I was done for.
Jail would've been better than the ass whooping I was gonna get.

He stared at me for a full 2 minutes.
Each second Making my heart beat faster.

Then he just shook his head and went inside.


I dunno what happened that day
Maybe he just couldn't handle me at the time.

or maybe the disappointment broke him.

Either way,
I was safe.
I narrowly escaped.

That day, I was a few buckets away from endangering lives and property, So I vowed never to do that again...

or at least never to do it without a bucket of water near me.

The end.



I repeat once again, I am not an arsonist.
No one should go and use this story as evidence against me.

I told this story to show a lesson.

And The moral of the story is...
don't be a stupid 12 year old.
And fires spread faster than you think.

Thank you for reading.

Stay buzzing,



This is truly a lesson, honestly, fire spread more faster than we think, I remember myself in this kind of situation, I did something like this, when I was a kid, but mine wasn't in a big bush, it was in a small garden that my mother used to plants, African garden egg and tomato, yet before I knew it, the fire get into someone's else farm, that was close to us.

And the owner of the farm came the next day and was angry, I was beaten by my mother, for bringing troubles to her.

In your case, maybe the reason your father could not get angry with you, was because he sees you were becoming a fire man, he fear you might used your fire on him.

So he was avoiding your troubles.

Hehe, what a hilarious read 😂 and image that kind of play during harmattan period where all leaves are completely dried, you would have built new Houses for your neighbors 😂