Oftentimes we hear people use this phrase "love me for who I am". It can also be said in other ways like "accept me the way I am". Regardless of how it is said, it is usually used to hint that the individual is comfortable in his behaviour (usually a bad behaviour/character) and not planning to change for the better. It also shows that the person in question is aware of such behaviour and how it impacts relations with others but just feels too comfortable in it or expects others to adjust and condone the excesses.
When we meet people and make friends, we don't know all about them initially, it's during the friendship/relationship that we begin to see them for whom they really are. We begin to see their strengths, weaknesses, their virtues and demerits. This is when if those weaknesses, demerits or excesses are pointed out, we are likely to hear this phrase from them depending on the individual.
As humans, we have a tendency to justify our actions or behaviours, but this doesn't mean that these actions are ideal.
What do you do when someone corrects or complains about your attitude or character in a given circumstance?
Do you get angry? Do you ignore? Do you introspect? Do you make excuses? Or do you get defensive?
Your honest response to this question would determine how your growth curve would appear.
People who get angry, ignore, make excuses or get defensive would usually stick to that bad habit, hence make little or no progress. It's from someone in this category that you would most likely hear "accept me for who I am". That is unlike someone who would introspect and have honest conversations with self and seek out ways to become better. Afterall "an unexamined life is not worth living" as Socrates pointed out many years ago, highlighting the need for for occasional introspection, self study and seeking improvement.
While accepting someone for whom he/she is is not bad on its own, it is the laxity and complacency that the individual who is confident enough to voice it out would exhibit or display that I feel is not healthy for human relations. This is because the individual, however good he/she may be, there would be no effort to improve in that aspect for which he is being corrected.
Not that it is right to outrightly begin to seek changes in a friend or lord our personal preferences over others. NO. That is not the angle I am coming from, I am talking about some pseudo-generally accepted ills, or attitudes which virtually everyone sees as bad which one would not like to see in a friend. This is because relationships are meant to build us and make us better, bringing out the best in us. Hence, any relationship that doesn't seek to make you better should be reconsidered. Also, if you are in relationship and not seeking to make the person better, then the end is closer than you think.
Example of attitudes which I am referring to:
- Lying; some people are referred to as pathologic liars, don't pray to meet one, lol.
- Violent; some people get violent when not in a good mood.
- Obsessive; no one likes to feel caged, if you are obsessive it would make your friend/partner worried or anxious.
- Disrespect; of course we all hate to be disrespected. If you appear to disrespect someone, and it's brought to your notice (that is if you were not aware) it's only right that you change or take corrections.
The list goes on an on.
My Opinion
- When faced with correction on an attitude, behaviour or habit, it's best to introspect and find out if it's really wrong. Honest discussions can be had to get this in perspective, either with the individual who pointed it out or with someone regarded as a friend who would be honest. Rather than saying "accept me for who I am" or expecting this to be the case.
- On the other hand, if you receive that phrase from a friend, I suggest you push for that conversation to be had, except of course you do feel that the habit in question is not serious enough, then you can let it go and really accept.
Thanks for reading through.
I hope to bring more amazing content your way. See you soon.
I saw a WhatsApp status a few days ago that said, "Accept me for who I am is a nonsense statement, even God almighty created hell for those he can not accommodate."
And when I saw your post title I just smiled, telling people to accept one for who they are when they should be improving on themselves is not the best.
Lol, coincidences abound.
Thanks for reading through my