"I think that a pretty good indicator is how many elderly people go to shops and talk to attendants just to have someone to talk to. There are plenty of lonely people in the world - and I think that the average age is coming down considerably."
I'm sure there are many lonely elderly people. That is unrelated to deciding not to remarry or enter into a new intimate relationship at an old age. Some elderly widows and widowers have very busy social lives.
"It often takes a subtle form where relatives and such keep asking single people, particularly if they are in a certain age range, if they're seeing someone or when they're going to settle down and start a family."
People are always on the lookout for "microaggressions" these days. Seems we have raised a lot of highly sensitive people - perhaps everyone should live isolated in light grey rooms to make sure they don't get sesnsory overload and upset ;D
The point was that society does not consider foregoing intimate relationships the norm. The opposite is true. It is assumed that everyone wants one and that everyone "should" be in one.
"Because if someone went through a particularly nasty divorce and it being nasty was their fault because they're particularly bad at relationships, they why on Earth should these people of all be trying to get back into the relationship game?"
They don't have to. But if people are making decisions because other people have gone through nasty divorces - that is senseless. As you said - people who's parents got divorced.
I wouldn't be so sure because people tend to gravitate towards what they have grown up in the middle of whether or not they consciously try to avoid it. It's not some cool rational process like solving a puzzle.
"You seem to think that there are digital worlds somewhere that somehow prevent people from acting at their own volition and make them choose to be single."
Gaming is one. 2 billion or so people in the world are gamers. it is a highly addictive pastime, as is social media and the like. These people are more likely to be at home (can't meet many people there) more likely to be over weight (limiting their options) more likely to have expectations on what is desirable, but less likely to be able to achieve it. No wonder there are large commununities of incels out there. And I will assume that there are many incel adjacent who haven't joined the forums yet, but hold similar ideals.
Being involuntarily celibate (incel) is not choosing to be celibate. That's just logic. What you're describing is a different problem altogether. No one who feels real pressure to find a partner will avoid doing something about it. This is where the PUA courses and the gym memberships come in. Or all the dating apps that must have hundreds of illions of users these days.
"If someone decides to stay away from them out of their own choice, you can be sure that it has always resulted from careful thought."
I think this doesn't make sense. It requires no thought to relationships at all, to stay at home gaming 12 hours a day. However, perhaps a decade down the track they might chance upon a thought that something is missing in their lives - hopefully by then, they will be able to have their perfect VR relationship that'll do everything they want without compromise- sounds pretty fantasy land, childish and unhealthy to me though.
What you're describing is an extreme case. For the vast majority of people, internet use in their free time is all about relationships.
Maybe the increasing numbers of addictions and depressives is an indicator of something fundamental missing in many people's lives.
You have mentioned several times that you used to be a gamer in your youth and that you used to play too much at the time. Perhaps you have more exposure to that world than most. I played computer games on C64 when I was a kid. But never in adulthood.
Very much related - considering those elderly people were in relationships once and miss it. I think that people are too keen to think they can beat their hardwiring.
So, if a parent is an alcoholic, the child should just accept that is all there is and be an alcoholic too?
If you look into it - the reason they are celibate is because the women (Almost invariably men) they do want, don't want them. "I am an incel because a supermodel won't sleep with me".
I think that you might be oversimplifying what a relationship is - Most of what you describe is not to find a long-term partner, it is for short term fling. Very, very different things.
I disagree - it is about wanting their voice to be heard, to feel relevant. Perhaps if they had better relationships, they wouldn't use the internet as a crutch for what they seek.
These days, I have less experience than most - as it has ramped up again over the last 10 years to include social platforms. The gamified experience they offer isn't so the platform can help people be happier in their lives - it is for profit - never forget that. Time on Site drives add revenues.