...dear diary, I am trying to recall my wandering soul back to the feet of my inkpot as I can feel the usual fears beginning to lure me back to the shadows. This I blame on some recent consumption of a bit local and global news.
...the collective is ailing and though the shift is evident, it is also affecting everyone. It is so easy to get wrapped up in the whining about how bad things have gotten but I can't help but also feel grateful that I don't have it as bad as some people right now.
...what I mean is it wouldn't be bad to afford to apply ease here and there but I am lucky to have what I do. The wider aspect of it of course. I say this with what has been happening in Iran in mind. I am also glad to have a rented space as shelter and though it is slavery, I have managed to pay for it without a stable income for a while now.
...there is a leased farm somewhere sitting on my entire savings and I am relearning how to adjust to taking small steps as the season demands even though I had already started to get used to sprinting.
...it is quite harsh to be humbled by what I feel are my mistakes of not being thorough with looking into farming as an investment. I don't regret the lease but I should have held the possibility of how today looks for us in mind.
my ego will fine me for pasting that on these pages but oh well...
...my procrastination on commencing the work on the walls of my collapsing inner city has fed every ghost that now seeks light is affecting me too. And none of them is being kind as I never stopped to give them the time they needed.
...sometimes I can taste the guilt I feel when loving on other souls while withholding mine everything that would reflect the desire to worship myself. I tend to rush to everybody's emotional aid whilst denying mine the same attention, attitude and energy.
...now that they are forcing their way out, I am hoping to find decent ways to free them over the tones of projecting I have succumbed to in the past. And that makes the gratitude list continue as I have the space to achieve the idea of true liberation but it needs a few things.
...the exploration of painting requires paints and some canvas -which may not be expensive but currently feel like they are- and growing herbs or plants needs me to plan a trip or dive into my empty wallets. DIY also needs me to have power tools and a few coins to get timber.
...my noisy mind has the whole thing on the record and with it comes a remedy for my anxiety and probably a properly furnished home and a stable income. Dreaming is allowed too, yes? And though it feels like a dream, I hope the universe receives it as a manifestation.
...the digital art is mine.
wambuku w.
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STOPCheck out the last post from @hivebuzz:
Really common for woman. Hope you find space to do just that - attend to your own beautiful self. If we can't look after ourselves we aren't as good at looking after others!
Having DIY projects is good creative therapy. Hope you find the space to do it.
I feel like I have so much to do as well, but I am not in a position to do them just yet. Life is quite chaotic in many places it seems and I am glad we have writing to help us process and yes manifest. Sending you love, all these things will happen, but first, be good to yourself xxxxx