My girlfriend is absolutely beautiful. Body like a Greek statue – completely pale, no arms.” – Phil Wang
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My girlfriend is absolutely beautiful. Body like a Greek statue – completely pale, no arms.” – Phil Wang
If God had written the Bible, the first line should have been ‘It’s round.'” – Eddie Izzard
“I bought myself some glasses. My observational comedy improved.” – Sara Pascoe
“I bought myself some glasses. My observational comedy improved.” – Sara Pascoe
“You know you’re working class when your TV is bigger than your book case.” – Rob Beckett
A spa hotel? It’s like a normal hotel, only in reception there’s a picture of a pebble.” – Rhod Gilbert
“My Dad said, always leave them wanting more. Ironically, that’s how he lost his job in disaster relief.” – Mark Watson
Apparently smoking cannabis can affect your short term memory. Well if that’s true, what do you think smoking cannabis does?” – Mickey P Kerr
How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb?…. none. They’re not really into that sort of thing. If it’s that dark, light a candle.” – Phil Cornwell
The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper. She was wearing massive gloves.” – Alun Cochrane
People who like trance music are very persistent. They don’t techno for an answer.” – Joel Dommett
As a kid I was made to walk the plank. We couldn’t afford a dog.” – Gary Delaney
Normally you have news, weather and travel. But not on snow day. On a snow day, news is weather is travel.” – Michael McIntyre