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I met him at the local dance. Richard. Whether he told me his surname, I don’t recall. We made a date to go to the pictures the following Saturday. The little girl who lives down the lane was showing. He’d meet me at 2 o’clock, he said, on the wall by the bus stop. And so he did, but with a gang of his friends in tow, all there to jeer and taunt me. Deirdyweirdy, fooled again! But lesson learned. Thenceforth, I’d lurk around the corner, wait until my date had actually shown up, and only then make my entrance.
A childish prank, you might say. We were only thirteen or fourteen, after all. But I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if Richard grew up to be a scammer, a taxman, or even a member of parliament. Cads, bounders and scoundrels all.
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Despite this traumatic experience and my subsequent misanthropy, I don’t think I could ever eat another person.
I mean, have you seen the state of most people these days? Blubbery fat wobbling all over the place, not a muscle in sight. It’d be like chewing tripe. My gorge rises at it. I think I’d rather starve.
And starvation is something I’ve mastered after many years of practice. Despite my muscular physique, at five feet one and three-tenths, I weigh in at a mere 46.7 kilos or 102 pounds. The rest of you could do worse than to follow my example.
And if cannibalism truly were the only option? I’d still decline. I believe there’s always another option.
I’d wager there’s at least as much nutrition in a fistful of dirt as there is in people who live on pot noodles and takeaways. And that’s the majority nowadays. And sure isn’t there dirt everywhere.
I rest my case.
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Posted in response to galenkp's weekend experience
prompt asking ... If you were starving to death, would you turn to cannibalism if it was the only option available or would you prefer to starve to death? and Draw yourself on your first date, share the image and explain how it went and why.
Sounds like his surname might be Head.
Well said.
😂
😂 Atilla the Hen last week and now this? You're way too clever for my own good!
You make it easy with your brilliant setups.
Oh I know! The credit is all mine:)
I was really planning on eating a big bowl of veggies today with my Korean noodles that are stored in the pantry. Now, what on Earth am I gonna do for food?
Pot noodles? Ditch the noodles, eat the pot!
😆
At first I thought that the only purpose of this post will be just to make me sad because I have not gotten a date in 33 + years I been on this planet and some guys get a date and turn into prank? I will never understand that...
But then I read your list of shady jobs and it made me feel a bit better.
Make you sad? It was supposed to make you laugh!
Have you asked for a date in 33+ years? "For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened"
I asked more times than I remember. So far no luck. May try again soon.
That's the spirit! I've always found consistency eventually unlocks every door.
I think Richard deserved a throat punch and I would have given him one on your behalf had I been around.
EDIT: Forgot to say, fucken great title!
A tousand tanks! I didn't think anyone would get it! We don’t bother much with our th sound in Ireland.
Ahhhh... 3rd
As in King Richard.
I did not see it.
😆 The problem with being as clever as I am is that nobody gets your jokes.
I got it, and it was a spectacular word play.
I tought tat was a tremendous title.
I love words. You can say so much with them!
It's amazing what a collection of letters can convey if arranged in the right manner.
Love the drawing.
But what if the feast was a healthy vegan? Would that change your mind... A choice cut?
Healthy vegan? An oxymoron!:)
🤣🤣🤣🤣
I doubt you will have to resort to cannibalism any time soon Deirdy. Sure isn't there a chipper nearby?
I live in the sticks babe, and I haven't been in a chipper since 1982.
Some of the comments you inspire are almost--almost--as good as the blog. I'm not even going to try :)
I know! I'm going to have to find them and stop them. They're making me look bad:)
Your story had a mix of humor and life lessons. Childhood experiences like that really do stay with us, and I liked how you connected it to bigger thoughts in such a unique way.
Well You are a krafty Lil' Fidget.
I said Fffff idget not Midget cuz Midg is disrespectful or racist hate speech or whatever the word police over in the UK are arresting everyone for this week.
Ol Richard the Dick Tard is probably shackled for life to an overbearing and overweight dominatrix who commands his every move. Or has a fat boyfriend... 😳😂🤣🤣😂😳
Oh you clever wee trucker....not fucker, as such language would be unbecoming of a lady.
I hope someone has eaten Richard!
Proof...
Hahaha, Kentucky Fried Turd!
They tried. He was grisly and chewy. Tough no matter how you cooked him.
Typical of teenagers pranks, so stupid because it's not even fun at all... I guess it's a world wide thing?
Well I suppose Richard got some fun out of it, and I got a lesson. Win! win!
That's a good way to look at things!
#hive #posh