Treacherous brain

I hate it when my own mind betrays me.

Sounds like a weird occurrence, doesn’t it? It might be more natural if this sentence of mine related to misplacing memories or names, but this treacherous brain of mine is sadly on another level by itself, so it goes way over and beyond to make my life miserable and at times, irritable.

Let's take today, for example.

I woke up with the blinding urge to paint today.

By blinding, I meant finger itching, heart beating, eyes yearning kind of blinding, that made me want to squeeze out a bottle of acrylic I have lying about just to see some colour pour out and paint my nails blue and purple. But as my day was filled with things I needed to get done, I decided to keep this ecstasy at the end of my schedule, because there is nothing like painting that helps to unwind after a whole day of hassle.

So, with the reward waiting for me at the end of the tunnel, I went with my day in profound glee, just waiting to get it all done so I could rush back home and sit down with my canvas and paint my heart away. Which is what I precisely did after I returned home a couple of hours ago.

It was safe to say I was excited, delighted beyond everything as I sat down with my things.

That delight and acceleration, lasted right up until the moment I decided to pick up a tube of colour.

It was like a switch being flipped. A sudden change of direction on a traffic-free road that gave you whiplash. And suddenly, I didn’t want to paint anymore. I, sitting there with my boxes of colours and canvases, brushes and inks, suddenly felt like it was the stupidest idea I had all day, this painting thing, and I was beyond livid. Mostly with myself, because what the actual hell?? A part of me was actually looking forward to it! For a whole fucking day, might I add, and this, this sudden uninterest…it was definitely uncalled for!! I even pulled out my favourite size canvas for this! I even made coffee to drink while painting!

So yeah, I hate my mind, my brain, whatever you call it. It does shit like this to me sometimes. Makes me yearn and itch for a thing before deciding it was worthless and idiotic the moment I get close to achieving it. It was actually fate that I came across this topic today to get this out of my system.

Well, thank you for tuning into my Vent-talk. That will be all for today…