I remember a time when I was genuinely jealous, and it all happened back when I was in SS2. There was this girl named Eriayo that I really liked. She was beautiful, calm, and always had this way of making people feel comfortable around her. We were friends, and I used to enjoy every little moment we spent talking or laughing together. Deep down, I had strong feelings for her, but I just couldn’t bring myself to tell her. I was a shy person back then and always overthought everything. I kept convincing myself that maybe it wasn’t the right time or that she probably didn’t feel the same way.
After a while, another guy who happens to be in the same with class with us came into the picture. His name was Mamo, a chubby guy who was actually quite confident and funny. Before I knew it, he approached her and started talking to her frequently. They got close so fast, and soon, I found out they were dating. That was the moment jealousy really hit me. I couldn’t even pretend to be fine about it. I kept blaming myself for not making a move earlier. Every time I saw them together, I would feel this strange feeling of sadness, anger, and regret.
The part that hurt the most was when I finally gathered the courage to tell her how I felt. I remember that day clearly. I walked up to her, nervous but determined, and just told her everything. To my surprise, she smiled softly and said she actually liked me too — in fact, she had been waiting for me to ask her out earlier. To be honest, hearing that broke me completely. I couldn’t help but imagine how things might have turned out if I hadn’t been so scared. But she was already in a relationship by then, and she told me she couldn’t cheat or “double date,” as she put it.
After that conversation, things felt different. I couldn’t stop thinking about what could have been. There were moments when I’d see her and her boyfriend sitting close together, chatting and laughing, and i would feel very uncomfortable. I remember one particular day when I saw them together in the dining hall, and it was just too much for me to handle. I quietly got up and left the room because I couldn’t bear to watch them. The jealousy wasn’t just about wanting her to myself — it was about the regret of me not acting sooner just because i was scared of the outcome.
That experience taught me a big lesson. I realized that it’s better to express how you feel, no matter how uncertain or scared you might be. Keeping your feelings bottled up only leads to regret later. Since then, I've made it a thing of whenever I have feelings for someone, I’ll find a way to let them know. So if it doesn’t eventually work out, at least I won’t have to live with the “what if.”
Looking back now, I can smile about it, but at that time, it was one of the hardest emotional lessons I had to learn.
Thanks for reading.
Its actually brave of you to still confess even thought she already has someone. But you confessing can actually do a lot. It can help you move on, though it is already too late, at least you still tried.
You learned an important lesson and I believe you will move ahead in your life in better ways because of it. Sometimes the best lessons we learn come from difficulties.
Becca 🌷