“…become master over yourself, master of your own good qualities… acquire power over your aye and no and learn to hold and withhold them in accordance with your higher aims…” Friedrich Nietzsche
This weekend took me off the beaten path again. On Friday after my typical 60+ work week, I went to a little Mexican restaurant in Toride, a small city that is about 50 minutes by train from Tokyo. The restaurant which is owned by a Japanese couple is one of those little gems in the middle of one of the most homogeneous countries you will ever visit.
My choice this weekend was the Jalapeno Quesadillas. I got the small one this time around as I had had dinner just before my weekly hour and a half Japanese class so you can imagine I was a bit full. My friend on the other hand added a Chicken Enchilada to his own Jalapeno Quesadillas.
It felt great getting back into that pre-Covid routine of studying Japanese on Friday evenings. This is not only because I had fallen back in my studies, but also because I could catch up with people I had not seen since 2020. Oh lord. I can hardly believe it is already two plus years. You can imagine that some participants have stayed away from Japanese classes. Most of those who have volunteered to teach us foreigners are elderly Japanese. Some are even in their mid-80s. We know that their demographic is particularly vulnerable to the virus so while I was a bit disappointed I do understand their position.
Japanese studies and dinner at Mosh and Tacos was not the highlight of my weekend though. The time I spent alone was way more profound and might I daresay, impacting. While alone in my tiny apartment a few questions kept rolling over and over in my head. They were where I was and where I wanted to go. And so I asked myself:
- Am I satisfied with where I am?
- Am I on my way to where I want to go?
- Am I the master of myself?
It is rather humbling to admit that one can answer only one of these in the affirmative, which is rather disappointing, this is especially as it relates to the last. Like so many I am caught up in this rat race; owned and controlled by another.
What do I do? Where do I go from here? These are questions that assaulted my overloaded brain all weekend. I have been putting in the work to become a full time writer, but the barriers are still up. Yes, I read and write voraciously and send my work out occasionally but that doesn’t seem to be enough. And while I have employed different strategies in order to achieve a break through, there is no escaping that feeling that one is missing something. To be rewarded for doing the thing one loves is the ultimate goal.
But I press on, and soon I will say sayonara to this 9 to 5 grind. If there is any joy to be found in my entanglement it is that each failure has taught me something. And in each lesson I am brought closer to achieving what it is I know I am destined to accomplish.
As has been often said, there are lessons to be learned in failure. I would like to think that I am a little wiser by now.
Hi Nick
It's always good to do some introspection, evaluate where you are and what you want to achieve. We often get so caught up in the the day to day that this falls off the priority list and our progress gets hindered as a result.
Being honest with yourself is sometimes the most difficult part, to say "No, I'm not there yet, I still have to accomplish x,y,z" and then formulate an action plan on how to get those ticked off, but there's not a huge amount about life that comes super easy, so you're already on your way there. The journey is important though, so being able to eat good food at what looks like a nice establishment needs to be appreciated as a highlight even if it's not the biggest one.
Thanks for putting it into The Weekend, have a good week ahead.
As the Japanese say arigato (thank you). I wish it wasn't so darn difficult though. But I guess one cannot grow without a little discomfort. Thanks for the comment. I really appreciate it.
That is very true. Domo arigato. (That is literally the only Japanese I know) 😊
I love your self discovery journey. I certainly agree that the past 2 years challenged us to look within ourselves and do a little bit of digging! Profound and a meaningful journey for most of us! I find it hard myself to go out now since I have been comfortable and enjoying my time alone but I wouldn't say no to meeting in person the closest friends I have.
By the way, the Jalapeno Quesadillas looks delicious!!! 😲
Thanks for stopping by. I really appreciate your comments. The Jalapeno Quesadillas are actually my favorite. Good food takes me away from too much thinking. Cheers. Enjoy the rest of your week. Again. Thanks for the engagement.
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