This week's Weekend Engagement prompt from @galenkp was a pain in the ass not the easiest task to perform. Choosing one single picture to tell a story with from amongst what must be enough pictures with which to fill the Smithsonian is no small ask. As I started swearing flipping through my digital hodgepodge collection of selfies, portraits, snapshots, and other random shit, I felt that I had a few requirements to meet:
- A good picture. It shouldn't suck.
- It should represent me in some way.
- It should not embarrass me in any way.
- It should be something I could tell a story about.
- Preferably not a selfish one.
Ultimately, I settled on this picture, which did not meet all my criteria above:
- This selfie is awful. Ugh.
This picture - this seemingly random, poorassed selfie taken so many Halloween's ago - is certainly not going to win any awards. It's also not going to entertain anyone, make anyone think, or evoke an emotional response in anyone in the world other than myself.
And, quite frankly, this one sole picture nearly brings me to tears.
Warning: Sanctimonious soul-dumping ahead.
This one picture was taken very shortly before my life seemed to turn upside down and begin a mostly-uncontrolled-freefall from fun to struggling to exist day to day.
The three boys in the picture are mine, from oldest to youngest, and this picture really does capture them and their true essence: Joshua, the oldest, is routinely bemused at whatever I or his brothers always seem to be doing, and he'll stay on the periphery and watch quietly until shaking his head and walking away or joining in the chaos. Matthew, the middle son in the truest sense of the word was a fun-loving jokester and prankster who found something to laugh at in everything. And Christopher, the youngest... well... he's still like that. He makes me laugh every day.
Shortly after this was taken Joshua fell into a deep depression that required hospitalisation. He's still managing it, but it took a toll on his enthusiasm and motivation. He went from fun loving to depressed and has never quite gotten out of it.
After that, Matthew fell not only into a depression, but became quasi suicidal. He has been hospitalised twice and, though he's no longer a threat to himself, the toll his illness has taken on him is causing me to find the need to withdraw him from school and begin to homeschool him. He's likely going to need to repeat this grade, but my deepest hope is that homeschool will help him find reasons to be prideful again.
And Christopher... is Christopher. Aspergers and ADD fill his day, and everything he does makes me laugh. He is so full of insight and humour that I really do laugh every day, even if he is choosing to attempt to rick-roll me again instead of getting dressed for school (I no longer trust the web-links he sends me; I have grown weary of Rick Astley showing his face on my phone).
It's a daily chore to remind myself that I am not and was not to blame for their illnesses, and some days are easier than others. When I disappear from Hive for days on end it is because one or more of them requires attention, but at least I no longer feel the need to sleep on the upper bunk of two, with Matthew on the lower, so I can keep an eye on him. I'll take that victory.
So why does this picture mean so much to me? Because this is how I like to remember my boys. When I'm on my deathbed, this is the picture that's going to bring me comfort, even if it is one of these boys that are going to be the end of me (and it'll be Christopher - don't let that innocent mug fool you; he's a little imp).
(c) All images and photographs, unless otherwise specified, are created and owned by me.
(c) Victor Wiebe
About Me
Amateur photographer. Wannabe author. Game designer. Nerd.
General all around problem-solver and creative type.
Blind Skeleton
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A touching piece here mate, and a poignant photo indeed. We've spoken about your son's depression before and I hope that's moving in the right direction.
Life is difficult man, we are faced with tough moments and choices and it's how we deal with them that really matters. I don't know what else to say, other than, just by the words in this post I can tell you're a good man and will be the good dad these chaps need...and the good man you need to be for yourself.
Thanks for the kind words! I sent the school a note this morning that I'm going to transition middle child to home schooling, and that act in and of itself was incredibly cathartic. I'm looking forward to the boy being happy again, and me being my usual inane self!
It's a big step, and probably one that will benefit both of you. I can only imagine what it's like for you because I'm not, and have never been in, the position you are in with a child, (have none), but it seems to me you're navigating the byways of this journey and are able to do what you must. Please take some time for yourself though, I know that's important.
This photo and its story are the most beautiful I have seen in recent times. The love for our children can do everything and makes us to be even what we never thought we could be or do.
You are an admirable father and that does not surprise me because, as far as I know you from here in this virtual world, you are one of the best people and most beautiful human beings I have met in these parts. Thank you for bringing us this story. I love the picture because in it you are smiling and I know that when you look at it every time, you feel in your heart that pride and happiness of the father who loves his children above all things and above all, does whatever it takes to make them happy.
God bless your children and you, my dear Victor. You are a special friend and I love you very much, never forget that. Language never separates hearts and friendship overcomes any barrier. I hug you very much and I give you what you like most, we like, you know hahaha, our beloved coffee. Thank you for this beautiful publication. <3
Thank you sweety! Those are really kind words. The boys are really awesome human beings, and I'm looking forward to being able to guide them to their potential.
That's a really special photo and I am so sorry that you have been through such a tumultuous time of late. It's not easy with kiddos and depression is not an easy illness to tackle. You clealy care so much for them and their well-being. I know it's never easy being a parent when we face these issues.
At least you know
They're never gonna give you up
Let you down...
Because I had to (on behalf of the little imp 🤣)
Have a good day please 🌻
Hahahaha! Thank you! That was hilarious. 😂
It must be heartbreaking to witnesses you kids suffering as a father, I truly hope they will get better and start enjoy the little things again soon, so you can make many great memories again as a family.
Thank you very much! It is very difficult, but we're getting through it. They know when they need to ask for help which makes being able to help them all the much easier (or as easy as it can get). Thank you for stopping by!
It is great to hear that they dare to show there sensitive side and ask for help, that takes a lot of courage.