Author's Note
Lol, just bursting your balls with this one man.... or woman. Of course, everything you'd be reading on here from now, would just be an entire work of fiction. Beware, I have used a lot of strong language in it.
Trust me, I'm not some secret multimillionaire or anything. On the contrary, I'm actually quite broke😄
I choose Option one:
Choose a sentence to finish from the below list and write at least 300 words to complete it:
"This weekend I decided that never again shall I..."
Holy fuck! Never again shall I ever clickbait on this fine here Blockchain!
Oh God! Oh holy shit! I really did fuck up this time!!!
So this whole shit started just a couple days ago. I was down on my luck on the Blockchain, barely had any interaction whatsoever with my posts, not a single trace of engagement to my name — not even by ACCIDENT! Good lord, I was enraged! Fed up! Etcetera! Needless to say, it was this new found rage that ironically, sparked up the hidden creativity in me.
Soon, I began pondering, began reflecting... Did it mean that my posts where just that bad?... FUCK NO! My posts are the freaking best man! It's everyone else who can't see that! Ahh... it's just that I... I needed a new way to show them that.
CLICKBAIT CLICKBAIT CLICKBAIT CLICKBAIT!!!
Yes! I needed the right Goddamn Clickbait!
So there I was, mocking up my best post yet and whilst my fingers typed aggressively on the keyboard, my mind however, was fixed upon just what kind of clickbait I was going to use.
Ah yes... Clickbait! The internet's No.1 worst enemy. Over the years we've seen some pretty gruesome ones huh? For example, the clickbaits issued by reporters and bloggers via their headlines for articles:
15 years later, mother discovers something in son's old bedroom. What she found was shocking! = Mother finds 15 year old sock under son's old bed.
And especially, from the likes of YouTubers and other content creators:
"Doing cocaine with the pope" = going to a Catholic university's frat party.
"My boyfriend had sex right in front of me" = boyfriend looking at another girl for 0.53 seconds.
If this gets 50K views, I delete my channel.
If this gets 1M views, I die.
Yup, as cruel as it might seem, this was exactly the kind of shit I needed to kick up my account and soon, an idea came into mind:
I was going to write about money
...lots of it.
Why money you ask? Well because what doesn't scream click me as much as 10 Million freaking dollars!. Heck those numbers are big enough to catch the attention of even the most minimalistic of Hivers out there. And plus, with the massive amount of community members engaged in crypto and finance trends and discussions all around the chain, it was a no brainer really!
Yes.. yes.. it had all come together now: the title was in place, thumbnail was ready, I had tagged every possible whale my little mind could think of(even the ones that didn't exist) and it was finally time to get this show on the road.
The plan was simple: Step 1.) Use an extremely clickbaity title and thumbnail unrelated to the post whatsoever in order to attract an audience first. Step 2.) Understand that after clicking said post, there is a high certainty that your audience would be disappointed to find that it was just a clickbait. However, this is were the next step plays a vital role now. Step 3.) Before any of them storm out of the post in anger, quickly win them over with your charming and endearing story about the Cursed Tomato and his journey to Mount Orgasm. And finally — Step 4.) Pat yourself on the back for such a brilliant idea as you watch the comments, upvotes, and reblogs come in...
Ah yes... I could already smell those sweet sweet engagements now..
Unfortunately, this was not the case AT ALL.
Now for some reason, and heaven knows why, I was welcomed with many outspoken, unpopular, and enraged comments:
@hiver98 said
Are you fucking kidding me? Clickbait? Rot in hell...
@realhiverbanye said
Wtf man! Are you stupid or something? And here I thought something big was coming for Hive!
@mrsmom said
Zeraton you little foolish person! Son of a prick, i was gonna take my daughter to Disney land with that 1000 Hive reward ಥ_ಥ
@mrhatesnonsense said
Downvoted and reported.
@rickyarte said
Wait so the cursed tomato dies at the end? Also fuck you for the clickbait man.
@briamstombley wrote
Aahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
@cherilblossom replied
Fuck! I'm so angry right now that I've been hitting this downvote button for 5 minutes straight! And you best believe I ain't stopping till your reputation reaches -150
@theydontcallmedan said
I hate it when people try to milk the Blockchain. Reported and downvoted.
@bidenlover said
I know you did this because you're a spiteful republican who hates america and babies. Suck my american *** you little *** **** **** ****
@mangohunter said
Clickbait? Seriously man?? Clickbait! Jesus holy Christ! What the fuck is wrong with you you little useless, garbage, stupid, ,fowl idiotic, moronic, obnoxious, atrocious, self depraved, sad, girlfriend stealing, coffee drinking, bunny stealing, cookie eating, stupid writer man!!
@mrsmom replied to @mangohunter
You forgot Stupid
@mangohunter replied back to @mrsmom
I already said stupid
@mrsmom replied back to @mangohumble
Then say it again!
And they keep on coming
@mrpoopypooperman said
Eat shit reptile boy!
@obnoxioushiver said
LoL, why are y'all so pissed anyway? It was just a little clickbait. I mean jeez... I thought it was funny :)
@hornygirl11 said
Oh... The way that tomato climbed the mountain made me so h - o - r -n...yyyy.🥴
@blockchainmilker said
Show us the way Zeraton!
@neveragain said
Jeez... My expectations for you was low but holyfuck man!
@oceanflows said
The universe is but one big green space. Make Love not war people!
@roughy replied to @oceanflows
Fuck you hippy!
@bigddaddy147 replied to @oceanflows
Choke on a mango seed!
@carebaby replied to @bidddaddy147 @roughy and @oceanflows
Jeez guys... Why are y'all attacking her? It's zeraton were mad at not her!
Actually you're right. I hope you get cursed with a lifetime of ball itch @zeraton !!!
@bigddaddy147 replied to @zeraton
Make that x2 with butt worms!
@honestabe said
I should've known it was to good to be true. I would've insult you like the others have done but that would be animal abuse. Stupid fucker shit person!
@whiteboy278 said
You're racist and I hate you.
@therealelonmusk said
Woa... How'd I get in here?
Needless to say, I actually learnt a great deal from this — never try to cheat your way on the Blockchain or you'll just get burned instead.
I apologize in advance for any Hiver I might've accidentally tagged in here by accident. Trust me, I did my best to create random/crazy impossible names so... If your username does end up actually being tagged in this post then really... That's just on you man.
Pictures are mine :)
Take two Mebendazole and call me in the morning.
You know I actually had to Google what that meant lol.
They work surprisingly well for butt worms.
Mebendazole isn't exactly click bait but it worked.
!LOL
lolztoken.com
Udder Chaos!
Credit: reddit
@zeraton, I sent you an $LOLZ on behalf of @mineopoly
Are You Ready for some $FUN? Learn about LOLZ's new FUN tribe!
(2/4)