I am not used to being unemployed. My entire life I've either been employed or undergoing education (or both) with small exceptions of a few weeks at maximum. Thus, I am in unfamiliar waters right now. I've always been very forward about securing every aspect of my future to ensure there are no unexpected gaps, but this time life threw me a bit of a curveball. A significant part of this is my own fault, while another aspect is, to some degree, out of my control.
The out-of-my-control aspect is the fact that I have a significant speech impediment. It's better and worse throughout my life, but nevertheless has been a constant presence in my life for over 30 years, since early childhood. I've been to speech therapy multiple times, and none of my sessions have yielded long-term results. For the past year and a half, I have been receiving it once again, and took it as seriously as possible. I did improve for a while.
Unfortunately during an interview I had with a company where I had good connections, and the employers were impressed with my resume... my stutter took over. Big time. It was the worst stutter I've had the entire year. Every single word was a mess. I am certain it was painful to watch and hear. I am not surprised that I was not hired.
I had started the process of job searching later than I should have. I wanted to wait until my speech improved before embarking on more interviews, and frankly wanted to minimize interviews because I had this strong connection within the organization where I interviewed. I was confident and had hoped that, for once, I would have an easier pathway to the next step in my life.
That was not meant to be. It seems that every step I take in my career has come with significant barriers. This simply happens to be another one. I won't self-pity myself again, but I will acknowledge that I am the type of person who is meant to - and consequently built to - overcome challenges in life. I know I will overcome this challenge as well.
Where I definitely messed up was not being aggressive enough in terms of searching for jobs prior to the completion of my current training. I was not brave enough to schedule more interviews in time. I did A LOT of shift coverage for my colleagues, but ultimately, that helped them a lot more than it helped me - after all, I'm the one who's not employed now.
So that's how I ended up in this predicament. Hindsight, once again, is 20/20. I should not have been complacent in assuming that my connections would be enough to overcome this problem. I should have been braver and scheduled more interviews so I could at least get some practice, if nothing else.
No point looking back now. I have been aggressively job hunting, and believe I have some good leads (who did clearly like me after our initial interaction). A stutter is not going to prevent me from getting employed, merely delayed - like my speech. That's a joke, everybody, don't set off any alarms.
I'm the type of person who may get discouraged for a few days, but I will always find a way to get back up when I fall. It's an aspect of my personality which I can actually admit is positive (although I tie it in to my stubbornness to ensure that I don't flatter myself too much). So I know that I will find a job, one way or the other. It's just a matter of when.
It is a bit of a blessing in a way because this is the time that I can - and frankly, must - use to work on myself, as outlined in my prior posts. While this was an unexpected pathway in life, it's likely that I went down this path for a better reason than I can understand right now, and that in the long run, I will become a better person for it.