“Life moves on and so should we.” —Spencer Johnson
April 2018, Browsing through my device, checking for different life quotes just to keep myself in check. I finally found one that suited my condition then. It was like I was battling life head-on.
Everyone around me knew something was wrong, but I couldn't even narrate my story to anyone. I kept it to myself. Every morning when I woke, I shook my head, got my notebook, and my pen, and started writing heavily.
Abdulqudus, Life moves on and so you should…
Abdulqudus, Life moves on and so you should…
Abdulqudus, Life moves on and so you should…
I wrote 300 lines of this phrase every day. When I am done writing. I find solace. Then I began to mingle with everyone around me again.
Flashback
Hey, Abdulqudus. Your soulmate was looking at you in class today. Did you notice? My roommate asked jokingly.
I smiled and bent my head away from his sight. He winked at me, tapped my shoulders, and left the room.
All that could come to my imagination at that moment was Sarah’s look in the class. The smile on her face when she speaks, if beauty could appear human, then Sarah is one.
I liked her from the very first sight. I don't know what made me adore her that much. But I felt there was a mutual connection between us.
Sarah, on the other end, never knew who I was. I guess I never even appeared in her vision not to talk of her getting to know me. But I was optimistic about my affection towards her.
One day I told my friend. I love Sarah, but I can't approach her yet. Is there anything I can do about it?
I am the shy type that even to face and converse with a lady I know seems a little difficult for me, not to talk to strangers I don't know.
“Go for her, if you truly love her” Adeyinka advised.
Or should I help you go talk to her? He added.
I asked him not to worry. I would do that myself. Then a few days later I tried all I could to get in touch with her. Luckily on my end, I was able to have her number indirectly, we were asked to fill out a form that contained our numbers. So I checked for her name and quickly got her number. I was so happy.
When I got home, I dropped her a message, she wasn’t the active type. But every minute, I am always checking back for her response. It took over 24 hours before she responded. I felt I could adapt to that.
Me: Hello 👋
Sarah: Hi, please who is this?
Me: I am Abdulqudus, From the Department of Agriculture
Sarah: How do you get my number?
Me: From the departmental group chat.
Sarah: So how can I be of help?
Me: Nothing much. I just want to be a friend.
Her response got on hold for another couple of days again before she could even come online. When she came online I was the first to say Hi.
Gradually, I kept on building the conversation, and we got to know more about each other. And now I think she knows me for real. Despite all I knew about her. I couldn’t even approach her in class.
She stares at me once in a while and our eyes lock each other. But I feel she didn’t have my time because mostly she is always hanging out with other guys.
The very day I tried to summon all of my courage and talk to her, I stood from my seat and walked down to her, she was alone. I knocked on her table and she gave me a surprise look.
I greeted her. Good morning Sarah.
I am fine, so you are Abdulqudus? She responded.
I smiled shyly. Yeah. Please, I want you to lend me your plant biology notebook.
Ooh. I am coming. (She stretched her hands towards her bag and brought it out)
Here it is.
Thanks
I got the book and went back to my seat. Yet I didn’t even need the notebook. I guess I lost my chance to express myself in person again.
Days passed by, and I always called her, and messaged her, and we even became more of an online friend than offline.
Then I decided to let the cat out of the bag one evening. When she came online. I told her my feelings about her.
She didn’t respond to me. She ignored my message for days. Then I felt I should give her a call. She picked up and didn’t even give me a good response.
Had it been she responded calmly it wouldn't have gotten me so messed up. But her harsh response after which she hung up on me hit me hard. I never believed she had that crazy character in her.
Then I still tried so hard to fight on. I kept leaving her messages even though she didn’t respond to any. I called her every day. I guess I have put a lot of my heart into her.
To let go of her became a difficult mission for me. I battled with my inner mind for days. I wasn’t myself anymore. Where would I even find the courage to face her?
But in class, she acts nicely to other guys. She smiles at them. Then I felt I had to approach her.
I tried to do that, but my conscience wasn’t, I felt I might get rejected and be disgraced in public. And that was just how I felt.
When I got home I began to search for motivational quotes till I got one. I got a notebook, and my pen, and started writing so hard pouring out the spirit and emotions entangled with my soul in it.
Life moves on, and so should we! I guess it was time I stopped fighting and just flew away.
Posted Using InLeo Alpha
Your piece could be a cautionary tale for others who might be smitten from afar. It can be intimidating to the object of your affection if you pursue relentlessly. You describe calling and sending emails although you received no response. Usually, a girl will worry about such a relentless pursuit. Instead of gaining the object of your desire, you actually manage to drive it away.
In the end, you move along. That sounds like a sensible response.
The way you begin the piece and end the piece has a kind of symmetry. We understand by the end why you were repeating that phrase to yourself.
Thank you for sharing this life experience with us, @abdul-qudus.
thanks so much the inkwell. I really appreciate your words.
You should have summoned the courage to face her. Maybe she has feelings for you, who knows?
Anyways, well done...
I guess I am failed in that aspect. Next time I will be more sincere with my feelings
Moving on can be tough. I'm glad you found a nice quote to help you out!
yeah. I keep it going. And I am grateful I could move on.
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Wow this story really resonated with me. The feelings of shyness insecurity and heartbreak are so relatable. I've definitely been in @Abdulqudus shoes before - pining after someone you deeply admire but struggling to find the courage to express those feelings. The awkward attempts at conversation the constant checking of messages and that sinking feeling when your affection is not reciprocated. It's all too familiar.
The feelings of longing, insecurity, and heartbreak are so relatable. It's tough when you're deeply into someone but struggle to find the courage to express those feelings.