Very nice to see you here again, @sapphireissafy,
As I read this the sense of longing reminded me of an autobiography (The Gossamer Years, kagerō nikki) I read years ago by a woman known only as Michitsuna's mother. The style is not the same. The story is not the same. But the existence the woman lives, behind a veil of longing and memory, that is the same. You draw us behind that veil.
Your writing is extraordinary.
I would check out the link later, I am so excited for your comments honestly!