Hello @wlin,
I liked this story very much. You have a sensitive, reflective perspective. Your descriptions are rich in context. That is, details are not only visual, but also have a backstory. Ex: His shoes, now non-existent, were only a reflection of what the man had once been.
By the end of the first paragraph we are hungry to know about this man. You offer us a history in the form of the father who is driving by in traffic where vehicles were moving faster than a land tortoise. Not only is this description highly visual, and places us in the moment, but it also explains why the father is able to talk to his son at length even though he is driving.
As wonderful as I found your story, I feel obliged, as a fellow writer, to point out a critical flaw. If I were in a writing workshop with you (I have been in several) I would offer this observation: there is a rupture in POV transition between the narrator description of the homeless man, and the father's conversation in the car. It would be very helpful if you indicated between the paragraphs that there is a break. As it is, readers are lost for a minute and don't realize the father is talking (this reader was lost, anyway).
I think you are a talented writer and you certainly have something to say. This is my favorite kind of writer :)
I hope to read more from you.
Greetings dear @agmoore
Thank you very much for your excellent comment; It is very pleasing for me to know that you took the time to detail and consider my story as enjoyable; even more to suggest me how to improve it for the future.
To be very honest, I have always been a fan of well-written stories, those that make you imagine the narrative details that revolve around this one, but I am quite new to writing, and I don't quite understand the pause between paragraphs, but I do understand from your analysis, how a reader may have missed that connection between the description of the first man and his entrance on the scene, during the story narrated by the father to his son. I think there were a few lines missing to enrich the story.
I also know that I still have a lot to read, a lot to practice and learn, so I think I'm in the right place. That's the main reason why I joined @theinkwell.
Thank you 😊