My Secret Paintings
There is always something difficult for me. Acquiring a new skill. I have always wanted to paint since I was a little boy, but I could never develop my skills. I didn't know what to do. How to improve myself and how to succeed.
But I decided to try it anyway, a few years ago. I was living with my family. My cousin was studying at the faculty of fine arts. She is a very talented girl. She knew I wanted to paint, but she also realized that I couldn't learn.
My cousin knew this too. She wanted to help me.
Painting was very difficult for me, no matter how hard I tried. I could express things in my head more easily with words. Writing stories was relatively easy for me, but painting was very difficult. It was as if it was impossible to reflect what I wanted on canvas. But it was easier to put the story I wanted to tell on paper.
One day she told me about painting with pouring. I reluctantly agreed and thought it wouldn't hurt to try. My cousin came with a lot of paint on our tiled balcony. We were going to do it on the balcony because she said the paints would run, drip and make a mess. I was thinking about how this would happen
I hadn't researched it to be honest.
It was an incredible adventure for me. I didn't expect to enjoy it so much.
Mixing the paints, getting new colors and having it in an active liquid form. Directing the paint and watching chaos give it power.
It was like fighting with the air and the canvas itself, which resisted it with its fluidity. Even with other paints, it was like a conflict, it was chaos. But it didn't take long to realize that it all had a purpose.
Beauty was born out of chaos. This was not a rush. I guess that was the most beautiful thing. It was calm but joyful.
From that day on I decided to start painting too. Pouring style acrylic paintings. I think I've done 20+ of them. Only three are still alive.
The others I burned, scraped or threw away as a secret, because I couldn't get other people to like the colors I used.
Yes, I tried to sell my paintings.
This is not a difficult process. But it is very difficult to make a painting that looks beautiful and has a meaning.
Each painting can mean different things to different people.
Each painting can look beautiful in a different place.
Modern art is not something that everyone likes.
I went to the big luxury buildings and asked them to put these pictures on the walls of their entrance receptions. They refused. I went to some companies and offered them, they didn't like it.
I went to stores selling carpets-furnutire and told them it would add color, they said they would get back to me later... I didn't ask for a high price. I can even say that I only want the money I spent on materials and travel.
After I started selling, I was going to tell my family, I was going to tell my cousin, but when no one bought it...
I even have a painting in my fiancé's room right now. I have gifted similar paintings to some of my friends. But why is this my secret? Because I tried to turn my hobby into a business but I failed. People didn't want to buy it. The places I showed it to turned up their noses. I got discouraged and demoralized.
Then I destroyed all my paintings.
I only have three left. I also have a guitar that I painted. One of the paintings is with my fiancé. One of them is with a close friend. And one is in my house.
I don't know if I will return to this hobby, but it seems a bit difficult since I kept it a secret, I mean at least I kept secret the fact that I tried to sell it and failed and was very embarrassed, for 2 years... I destroyed the paintings I made with extreme pleasure and because I felt that people looked down on me / my art. I now prefer 3d mini painting instead. At least it is combined with my other hobby.
Thank you very much for reading.
This blog is written for Creative Nonfiction in The Ink Well: Prompt #27
https://leofinance.io/threads/@ifarmgirl-leo/re-leothreads-2eehw3p3q
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It's odd, the secrets we keep out of embarrassment, lack of confidence, or feelings of failure. It's very understandable that you wanted to bury that experience, since it doesn't bring up happy memories. Hopefully it was a little cathartic to write about it!
Thank you for sharing your creative nonfiction story in The Ink Well, and for reading and commenting on the work of other community members.
Trying to sell and even bring some paintings to the people but still get refused and rejected was absolutely devastating. Yes it felt really good to finally talk about it 🙏🏻🙏🏻 thank you for the opportunity 🤗🤗
Oh, how heartbreaking that your experience as a painter was so shortlived and so disappointing! Who knows, maybe it just wasn't the right time in your life, or it wasn't the right type of painting for your talents. I can actually really relate to this. I studied art, drawing, painting and graphic design for years, and it just always seemed like I was impersonating an artist instead of becoming one. Finally I shifted over to writing, and immediately I felt that I had found my medium for creative expression!
That is absolutely true. Writing makes me feel like I’m pouring the words out of my brain, instead of pouring the paint to the canvas.
Studying art must be hard. Do you have some pieces that you keep even today? 🤗🤗
As an secret artist (not for business) I could tell the similarity between us.
But maybe, changing our mind is a way to enhance our artworks. When you expose everything in your head on the canvas, with the matching colors and correct shapes, a new masterpiece will be born.
Since this nowadays art taste doesn't fit me much, my art taste doesn't fit them as well, I simply just ignore things and keep doing art on my own. I really found that the fact you destroyed your spirit children because of their decline on buying them a regret. I felt like you were burning half of your soul...
Anyway, the painting you showed there was beautiful. I love the way the color melt into each other and I way they moved on the canvas. Like a kind of hallucination but satisfying.
It was a lot of fun to show it to people and to see that they liked my art.
You know, is the debate art for people? or art for art itself?
I didn't prefer to make art for myself.
I was making it for people to like it.
But with your comments below this post and all the support, I'm thinking of starting again. My friends also made good suggestions after reading it, just like you said. They even suggested other places where I could sell. I honestly don't know, let's see how it can be. 🙏🙏
I like the chaotic colors in this kind of paintings
One of the features of art is that it presents how the art maker was thinking. From that, the distinguished personality is painted and differentiates yourself from the others.
So before getting confused between "Art for art/ art for humans", I suppose concentrating on creating exactly how we hold in mind should be the first step. Once you are able to create your own, you'll be able to create what the others would love to see.
Otherwise, your art might not be sold, but it might be felt by those who resemble themselves to your art pieces. Being bothered by the problem that "I must complete this one for sale" would also trouble our painting.
Might you keep on with this secret hobby! ❤️🔥
that is absolutely brutally true.
It is really different to create something and produce something. Focusing on creating is more valuable. Like blogging. Focusing on producing is something else.
By the way thank you so much for commenting now I've discovered your profile I will be your next admirer/fan because I can not ever create art as you do 😁
Oh no you shouldn't say so. I believe I was just lucky. We hold different abilities so such comparison isn't needed 💛
My last notice for you: The most beautiful things usually come from within.
Thank you for becoming my follower, what an honour to me. And, pardon me if any of my posts ever cause you discomfort 🫂
Thank you so much for sharing your kind words with me. And Of course not, Why would i get any discomfort 🤗🤗🤗
Wow! This is a great piece.
I could relate to your story. It may be easy to start but takes a little bit longer to yield, don't relent.
You've been in love with paintings since you were a boy, and it's so amazing you finally got to do what you had so much passion for. Don't give up, you'd soon be there. Nice story
I think I already gave up. And focused on writing as a hobby to be honest 🤗🤗
it somehow hard to get people to see what you do. it a good one tho
Those are great paintings. Each painter has different styles on how they paint. Anyway I am not an expert. How I wish I know how to paint.
The chaos sometimes creates good images 🤗🤗 Thank you for your kind words!
You're welcome
This is an awesome post ! Generally I prefer classical art to modern. But I love the second painting you posted, it tells me a story.
The big problem with art is that it's highly subjective, but the art world is full of snobbery. If you were a well-known artist with a big name, your paintings would sell for millions, but if those paintings were presented anonymously or from an unknown artist, no-one wants them. But sometimes there are ways. There was an exhibition in London a year or two back (sadly I haven't been able to re-find the video) full of art by non-artists, but by marketing it cleverly they got great attendance and sold a lot of paintings for decent prices.
Perhaps your art should have extended to destroying them in front of the people who refused to buy. "I made this just for you, now I burn it on video just for you".
Honestly, I prefer classical art as well, but it is impossible to gain enough experience, talent and skill to do it. At least for someone like me.
But I realized that I could make pieces like this and I tried to enjoy it. And I did.
But the fact that people didn't value it at all, or at least the people I was trying to sell to didn't value it, had a devastating effect on me. 😞😞
It would have been a very different way to put it on social media and get attention, to make these videos and then there might even be people lining up for these paintings ahahahah people really like things made by people who are heard and known. 😁😁
Marketing is extremely important🙏🙏
Yay! 🤗
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Those are some amazing works of art!
That must be hard for you when people didn't recognize your work that you ended destroying most of them. I hope though that now you have written about the experience, you no longer feel burdened by that past experience.
Thank you for the kind words. It really helps when I write something like this. Hive blog has therapeutic features as well ahahah 😄
Oh, I can't argue with that. It's a haven, a source of my therapy too😊