I found it very hard to follow this story. Some elements of it came through. Do you think you might go back and try to make it clearer? I recognize a thread--a creature from another planet with a box filled with gifts of valor and fear. And then there is happiness, also hidden, but in order for happiness to be released the bearer of the box must die?
I'm guessing here. If you could go back and clear up some of that it would be very helpful.
Hello @coolxxx,
I'm responding to this with a little perplexity. I'm torn between really enjoying your story and feeling obliged to tell you that much of the syntax is very confusing, and even incorrect.
The story itself, and the pictures, are charming. I read the story three times. The first time I sorted out (approximately) the narrative. The second time, the narrative became even clearer. You have a mythic tone to your writing, which I find very pleasing, However, it takes a lot of work to get through the rough syntax.
I do like the last paragraph you added. I'm being totally honest with you. Usually, I am more circumspect. I would love it if you could somehow improve the syntax (use of verbs, nouns, antecedents, pronouns, etc.). Your writing has spirit. It is worthwhile making the effort to make the writing more readable.
In the end, I'm glad I read your story. I liked its message and tone. However, I don't know if everyone will have the patience to read it three times in order to get the true sense of the narrative.
I do wish you well, and hope that you continue writing.
I found it very hard to follow this story. Some elements of it came through. Do you think you might go back and try to make it clearer? I recognize a thread--a creature from another planet with a box filled with gifts of valor and fear. And then there is happiness, also hidden, but in order for happiness to be released the bearer of the box must die?
I'm guessing here. If you could go back and clear up some of that it would be very helpful.
Thank you!
Hello @coolxxx,
I'm responding to this with a little perplexity. I'm torn between really enjoying your story and feeling obliged to tell you that much of the syntax is very confusing, and even incorrect.
The story itself, and the pictures, are charming. I read the story three times. The first time I sorted out (approximately) the narrative. The second time, the narrative became even clearer. You have a mythic tone to your writing, which I find very pleasing, However, it takes a lot of work to get through the rough syntax.
I do like the last paragraph you added. I'm being totally honest with you. Usually, I am more circumspect. I would love it if you could somehow improve the syntax (use of verbs, nouns, antecedents, pronouns, etc.). Your writing has spirit. It is worthwhile making the effort to make the writing more readable.
In the end, I'm glad I read your story. I liked its message and tone. However, I don't know if everyone will have the patience to read it three times in order to get the true sense of the narrative.
I do wish you well, and hope that you continue writing.