Arghhh! This stupid bag! It wouldn't close. It's almost time, I need to hurry up. She picked up a pink ribbon wrapped up her dark silky hair and then dragged her pink makeup box. She was struggling to open it when a sparkling little shell fell from the box, she gently picked it up, she felt all the imperfect lines on the shell. She tried not to go down memory lane but she had flashes.
Arghh! She gripped her wardrobe handle and leaned on the wardrobe holding her head. She dropped the shell and then she was relieved immediately.
Maya! Maya!! We are ready to go, the car is outside, screamed Lian.
"Coming!
She quickly picked the shell and her favorite pink lipstick alongside the necklace that was given to her on her birthday by her father in her luggage and dashed out.
Maya, Hello! Mr Murphy.
Hello! Maya.
Are we all set? Mr Murphy asked.
Yes! We are ready as ever. They all chorused.
There is a treasure hunt taking place in the dreem view island and Alex, Lian, Maya and Louis are on their way to the island . Lian, Maya's brother is very excited as he got two slots over there and he decided that Maya comes with him. Alex and Louis are cousins and they also won a slot to the treasure hunt.
Maya, did you come with your ticket? Lian asked.
"Sure! I did, there are lot of prizes to be won, I can't miss it, I just hope it doesn't involve going into the water."
I remembered what happened the last time and don't worry I will be by your side this time. Lian replied
What happened last time? Louis asked.
Maya had a …, Lian tried to tell the story.
Lian! Maya interrupted pulling Lian's hair.
"Argh…! Stop pulling my hair! Maya doesn't like talking about it."
As they approached the island, anticipation filled their hearts. From the car window, Maya caught a glimpse of the beautiful beach and spotted some people skiing enjoying their time. It reminded her of her own skiing days, a time when she was renowned as the Queen of the skiing world. However, tragedy struck when she fell off her board, unable to save herself due to her inability to swim. She woke up in the hospital, and found a shell underneath her dark hair.
"We are here!
Alex jumped out "Wow! This place is awesome, Maya look at the pirate ship, woohoo!
They marveled at the massive pirate ship and the breathtaking beauty of the surroundings. Each of them couldn't help but express their love for the place.
"Yeah it's massive!
"I am so in love with this place already! Louis screamed out.
"Have fun guys! And remember to be ready at 6pm tomorrow, alright? Mr Murphy reminded.
Okay! Mr Murphy, Bye!
The friends proceeded to the reception desk to book their rooms and were captivated by the enchanting aura surrounding them. Suddenly, a lady dressed as a majestic queen approached them.
"Ahoy maties! You can call me a whammy Queen, now come along with me. I will take you to your room and tell you what you need to know."
"Aye! Aye! My lady, they excitedly screamed.
She helped Maya carry her luggage as they walked to their room. They kept asking her so many questions.
Maya asked, "Why are you called a whammy Queen? Can I also be a whammy Queen? Is there a whammy king? Are you the only whammy? What did…"
She smiled,"Enough of all the questions, I got lucky with one of the chests I found during the previous hunt and of course there will be a whammy king and also another whammy Queen for this hunt, now hurry up the hunt is in 20 minutes."
Ugh! I want to be a whammy king but what do whammies do? Asked Louis.
"You will find out soon! Now hurry!
So they all settled down and got prepared for the hunt, they couldn't stop talking about winning a prize. Maya took a glance at the little shell but this time she didn't touch it. She admired it but hated the fact that it always drags her down memory lane. She feels like she has a deeper connection with it.
Maya! Alex called out.
"Am ready, let's go!
It was already getting dark, and the beach was filled with young pirates who were ready to hunt. They were all in pirate attire.
Ahoy maties! I am the Whammy king and today there are a lot of hidden prizes to be won. Over there, there is an island called dreem. Buried in the earth is a chest, there is a king and a queen's crown and some golds inside the chest. find X finds the chest. Whichever team finds the chest gets to be a king and queen.
With their colored handbands distinguishing them as team blue, Maya was paired with a boy named Jeff. As the gong sounded, signaling the start of the hunt, the pirates rushed to their ships. Maya could hear the echoes of their cheers and chants as they set sail towards the island.
Yet, as the waves grew rougher and the sun dipped below the horizon, Maya's fear of the water began to resurface. Flashes of memories flooded her mind, overwhelming her senses. She let out a terrified scream and stumbled, but Jeff was quick to steady her, holding her close and offering words of reassurance. With his comforting presence, Maya managed to regain her composure, determined to face her fears head-on.
Understanding her aversion to the waters, Jeff advised Maya to avoid looking into them. She nodded, trusting him implicitly. Together, they continued their journey towards the island, keeping their sights locked on the map and the promise of grandeur that lay ahead
Where is the map? Hurry, let's find X, team red chorused.
Immediately Jeff and Maya got to the island, Jeff grabbed the map and gave Maya a hand so she could come down.
"Let's take this route", Jeff pointed towards the east.
With each step closer to their destination, their hearts raced with exhilaration. Finally, they arrived at X, a place shrouded in mystery and whispered legends. And there, nestled in a bed of soft sand, lay the chest they had long sought after. As they opened it, their eyes widened in awe and wonder.
Oh! My goodness! We found it…! We found it…! Maya screamed in excitement.
The chest sparkled like a thousand stars, its radiance illuminating the surrounding darkness. Maya couldn't contain her joy and exclaimed in sheer excitement. Jeff, equally thrilled, joined in her jubilation. They had found it—the treasure they had risked everything for.
Jeff replied,"Yes! Yes! We found it, hahaha…!
Together, they carefully lifted the chest, a symbol of their triumph, and headed back towards their awaiting ship. The news of their success had spread, and a crowd had gathered, cheering and singing songs of victory to celebrate their accomplishment
Maya's heart swelled with pride and happiness. Finally, she would become a Whammy Queen, fulfilling her wildest dreams of exploration and uncovering the secrets of the whammy world.
Soon they were taking to the luxurious Whammies' apartments, a realm of opulence and grandeur. Every item in the apartment exuded luxury, with even the simplest objects fashioned from pure gold. Maya and Jeff were installed as the rulers of Dreem Kingdom until the next treasure hunt.
Maya couldn't help with the excitement she felt, "This is beautiful! I mean this is heaven on heart, look at the curtains it is designed with gold as she touches it . She let herself fall helplessly, wow! It's amazing to be a Whammy Queen.
Their joyous reunion was interrupted by the arrival of their friends—Louis, Alex, and Lian—who marveled at the splendor of their new domain. Lian, captivated by the beauty, asked if he could stay. Maya, touched by the request, expressed her desire to have Lian by her side.
As they shared stories, laughter, and a meal together, Maya and Jeff couldn't help but reflect on their incredible journey. Even as they left Dreem Island behind, Maya clutched the shell, to her surprise she didn't have flashes nor screamed. Those memories were replaced with amazing Memories of the hunt.
And so, their adventure came to a close. Maya and Jeff returned home, tasked with ruling from afar, while a new chapter awaited them. The intoxicating allure of the next treasure hunt beckoned, and the echoes of their triumph lingered in their hearts forever.
🥂 to the Whammy king and queens of #dreemport.
Knowing the sentiment and inspiration behind this piece made me smile. It was an amusing read. Those kings and queens of whammies find nice treasure even when they don't! This was a nicely balanced piece in terms of narrative and dialogue. The shell of memories was an interesting piece of conflict which could have been developed further to elevate the story. The characters also required further development. We don't know much about any of them and this means that we are not invested in the outcome of their story. Perhaps if we knew what it was they had risked in taking part in the Treasure hunt (you mention that they had risked it all) and why winning was so important to them, it might have made us want to cheer them on more. Also remember to punctuate your dialogue and speech tags appropriately. You have a nice writing style and your pieces will benefit greatly from working on these areas.
Thank you for writing in The Ink Well.
Take a look at these resources as a refresher.
How to write dialogue in fiction
Adding conflict
Developing Memorable Characters
Thank you so much for the feedback. I was so sure on how to provide other information without exceeding 1500 words. I will take a look at the resources you've provided.
Wow, what an exhilarating adventure! The vivid description of Maya's emotions and the anticipation building up to the treasure hunt on Dreem Island kept me on the edge of my seat. It's fascinating how the past experiences with water and the mysterious shell added depth to Maya's character and the storyline.
#dreemerforlife
Yea, thank you for taking out time to read my story. I am glad you enjoyed it 🤗
OMG😳😳😳😳😳, did you just relate this story to x and the actual happenings in the Dreemport treasure hunt??, oh my goodness, this is very beautiful and soulful, it felt like I was reading from a published book, everything was in sync, right from the moment when maya first had her misfortune down to when she got a flashback of when she was regarded as the queen of skiing until the terrible disaster that befell her lol, up until when questions were coming back and forth from Lian and the others, Mehn this is pretty interesting and lovely and I must say I enjoyed reading every bit of it, well done my dear🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼…
Maya pulling Lians hair made me laugh 😂, well done once again…
#dreemerforlife
Thank you so much! Your feedback makes me blush 😚
I am glad you loved it.
I love the build up
The inadvertently ended well for Maya
Thank you
You are welcome.
A wonderful adventure that you share with us, after so many difficulties the two boys found victory. I really liked the reading.
Thanks for sharing.
Good day.
Thank you so much for taking time to read through.
It was so creative of you to add the whammy kings and queens in this. Amazing.
I am sure they all had fun. Maya must be so happy.
I enjoy reading.
#dreemerforlife
I am glad you loved it.
Thank you for stopping by. 🤗
Great story coined into the whammy's hunt. I enjoyed reading and this was well thought through.
#dreemerforlife
Thank you so much.
Thank you! I am glad you like it.