Yo, this was pretty sweet! I like your writing style, it's obvious you've been practicing and want to invoke certain poetic feelings.
A couple of nitpicks if you want to improve your craft:
- You use the passive voice a smidge too much. This might be a deliberate choice on your part, in which case ignore this. But I think given the poetic nature of your text that you would benefit from less passive voice. 🤷♂
- Always proofread your stuff. As good as this is, it feels like a first draft. I know it's tough, but I recommend dropping a piece for a couple hours/days once you've finished the first draft. Then, with a fresh mind come back to it and fix all the little stuffs scattered around your story. Missclicks, i.e. misspells or w/e, take the reader out of the story. If only a little, but it stacks up.
- Your use of punctuation is confusing, sometimes its on point, sometimes you forget to use it. But I think this will fix itself if you just draft your work more. 🙂
I hope Clara knows what she's doing, cuz if this was my story, the forest would definitely be evil. And her decision at the end would definitely have been the wrong one. (although not apparent to the reader) 😁
Good stuff and I hope to read more from you! 👍
Hello @grocko
I really appreciate all the remarks and recommendations you have given me to improve.
I'm going to review about passive and active voice to clarify this way of narration, I haven't really noticed these differences.
hahaha well that ending imagined by the reader can be good or bad. I imagined it to be good 😊
Greetings and happy day.