This is fantastic, @bruno-kema. I love the great details as the dive begins, and then the subtle hints of foreshadowing that all is not as it seems. I anticipated something like this in the moment before I read it:
What they didn't know was that I was only using them. I had no plans to share the treasure. Once I confirmed it was there I would take care of Felix.
But there's a twist in store for us in the end. Felix's life is spared and in fact the joke is on the narrator! This has all the elements of a great story!
I do have one small tip for you. It's about "comma splicing." Basically this happenes when you have two full sentences separated by a comma, when they really need to be separate sentences. Here are a couple of examples:
"Comms check," Brody said into a microphone mounted on his desk, he was rapidly punching keys into his laptop.
"He was rapidly punching..." should be a new sentence. You can make the distintion when you have two full sentences that could each stand alone. When that is the case, it is not grammatically correct to separate them with a comma.
Felix and I were dressed in wet suits, the suits were black and shiny.
Same with this one. You actually have a few options for how to correct it:
- Felix and I were dressed in wet suits. The suits were black and shiny.
- Felix and I were dressed in wet suits; the suits were black and shiny.
- Felix and I were dressed in wet suits, which were black and shiny.
- Felix and I were dressed in black, shiny wet suits.
I hope that helps you! Absolutely fantastic story, @bruno-kema.
Thank you very much for this @agmoore, i will edit the story immediately.
I am really glad you enjoyed the story.