I love all the rich details in your story, @madamnaomi. And you always do such a nice job with dialog. I laughed when the whole family shouted "jollof rice" in unison!
I have some feedback for you, as you continue on your writing journey. In a short story, we generally look for a conflict that compels people to read the story from beginning to end, so they can find out how the conflict will be resolved. The resolution of that conflict creates the "story arc" and brings the story to a satisfying close. For example, in a story about a special birthday party, a conflict might be something along these lines:
- A special grandparent is in the hospital and cannot make it to the party. (Possible resolutions: The grandparent improves and a nurse brings him/her to the party in a wheelchair. Or after the party, the family goes to visit the grandparent, bringing cake and balloons.)
- The children are too wild at the party, and it threatens to destroy the fun. (Possible resolutions: A clever neighbor brings over a baby goat and they have a "petting zoo," which calms the children down and the party goes better after that. Or the dad comes home and offers prizes to every child who can be well behaved.)
- While the mom is checking on the rice, the dog eats the chicken. (Possible resolutions: The birthday boy says he and his friends only wanted the rice anyway. Or the kids laugh so hard at the antics of the naughty dog that it becomes the highlight of the party.)
Those are just some ideas for you. A conflict can be introduced at the very beginning of the story, or come along a bit later. Either way, that conflict or difficulty is important for the story to have the desired impact. I hope this is helpful. Good luck and keep writing!
Thank you for the corrections. I’ve taken them down 😇